Nightmares and Anger

[Marta]

Ricky had stayed for dinner and left when his clothes were done. He thanked Liv and left. Marta headed back upstairs and entered Elyse’s room when tiredness set in. She didn’t even set up her air mattress. She just fell asleep on Elyse’s bed. Sleep was short lived, however. 

The nightmares were always the same, even if she didn’t have them as frequently. They started with her mom and dad getting killed and moved to the brothel. The two things she had no desire to relive played through her mind.  Marta woke up, knowing sleep would elude her for most of the night now. She checked the time. Elyse would be back soon. 

Marta got up and moved to the desk and began to doodle. It wasn’t drawing like usual - she just made shapes and what not. She had no focus. The door opened and Elyse came in. Marta looked at her tiredly. [

”You okay?” Elyse asked. Her scent was weird. It still had a depressed air, but was tempered. 

”Nightmares,” Marta responded, her voice flat. 

”You want to talk about it?”

”Doesn’t really matter. Same ones I always have,” Marta didn’t look up as she said it, feeling guilty at the outburst. 

Elyse didn’t respond with words. She just put a comforting hand on Marta’s shoulder before getting changed. The truth was, Marta did want to talk about it because she didn’t feel scared or sad. She just felt angry. It was an odd feeling especially since the wolf was no longer latching on to it.

Marta stood as Elyse finished changing out of her work clothes. ”Elyse,” she said. Elyse looked at her, and Marta could see the care in her eyes. ”Why…why are people like that? Why do they hurt people? Why did he kill them and sell me? What did I do to deserve this?” Each question caused Marta’s volume to rise as the anger she had suppressed began to come out in droves. Her psychologist had told her to let it out. She hadn’t understood why Marta couldn’t at the time. and why the fuck can’t I do anything about it!”

It was a word that Marta had never used before. It even surprised her that she said it. Hot tears were streaming down her face, but even now she felt better, even if she felt she was now in trouble. 

Elyse didn’t pay attention to her swear. She just knelt down when wrapped Marta in a hug. ”Its okay to be angry. I’m sorry, but I don’t have answers for you. Only that there are very terrible people in this world.” Elyse let go and took Marta’s face in her hands. ”There are good people too - Ricky, Hayden, your friends, me - all here for you and to help.” 

Elyse gave her an encouraging smile. Marta didn’t return it when she asked. ”Elyse, why have you been so sad…why did you…” Marta didn’t finish. She knew what Elyse had considered doing. And maybe it wasn’t appropriate to ask, but she had to.

[Elyse]

Elyse got home and bid Anna good night. She wanted to talk to Nox - ask him about family, but had heard that he'd gotten himself hurt. Marta had filled her in via text. She also wanted to check in with Hayden, but she had a weekly meeting with him. That would be a good time to do that. Elyse knew Marta was staying here and so she went straight to her room, but was surprised to find Marta awake, and she smelled angry - very angry.

Nightmares - and it wasn't the monster - even though Elyse knew that Marta's nightmares were monstrous to her. They had subsided some, but she occasionally had them, but they never gave her this reaction. Marta had said she wanted to talk to Elyse about something good, but Elyse determined this wasn't the time. Marta said she didn't want to talk, her method of saying it was a little rude, but Elyse let it slide. Marta was working through things, and Elyse would allow that to happen.

It didn't take long for Marta to open up, and Elyse was there for her. Anger poured out of the girl - anger she had kept suppressed behind sadness, fear, and uncertainty. Marta had never sworn before, at least not that Elyse had known about, and Elyse could tell she felt some guilt at that, but she ignored it. Marta was processing, but her last words echoed in Elyse's ears.

Elyse told her it was okay to be angry and reminded her that there were people who cared for her and then Marta asked the question that she was afraid to answer herself. Elyse didn't want to scare her, but Elyse felt compelled to answer.

Elyse sighed. "I don't want to scare you," Elyse said. Marta's face, streaked with tears, was filled with resolve. Elyse wasn't getting out of this. "You know what Ricky does - and that I used to be a member right? You know what they do to people like us? Marta nodded - she knew about the Atharim. "Well my parents were too. I was born into the order. I told my mother what I was, and my father found out. He killed her and came here to kill me too. That's why I moved in here."

Elyse moved to sit on her bed. Marta sat next to her. "Things got pretty bad for me. Mae and I broke up...I miss her...but..." Elyse bit her lip, there wasn't much more to go on with that. At least they were still friends. "Things got pretty messed up in my head. I got really confused about a lot - family, friends, everything. I'm seeing a pyschologist now too - thinks that I've gone through a lot and it messed up the chemicals in my brain. I'm on meds now. But the point is, I felt very hopeless for awhile - and guilty. Guilty that I was making things harder for those around me.. Eventually, I just thought, well maybe everyone would be better off if I wasn't here anymore."

Elyse felt Marta's hand on her back as she leaned into Elyse. "I'm glad you're still here."

Elyse turned to look at Marta. "Me too," she said with a smile.

The two sat in silence for a bit before Marta spoke. "I just wish I could do something...something to stop this from happening to other people, but I'm not strong enough."

It then clicked for Elyse why Marta was so drawn to comic books and superheroes. The anger hadn't been uncontrolled. It had been strong, but calculated. It wasn't anger driven by hate or even a desire for revenge. It was anger driven by a sense of justice. "Maybe not a physical confrontation, but you can use your stories to send a message. You have a voice Marta."

Marta contemplated that and silence permeated the room for a few minutes. "It's going to be a while before I fall asleep again. Is it okay if I go downstairs and watch a movie or something for a bit."

Elyse nodded. "That's fine - you want me to come with you?

Marta shook her head. "No...I'd like to be alone for a bit if that's okay."

Elyse nodded. Marta needed to work through things. Marta stood up, grabbed a blanket and pillow and headed downstairs to watch a movie. She wondered which superhero was on her brain now.

[Marta]

Marta grabbed her laptop too as she headed downstairs. She grabbed some juice from the fridge and lay down on the couch, turning on the tv. She turned on a Batman movie, but she didn’t really watch. She felt a need to do something. But she couldn’t. She wasn’t strong enough. Elyse’s words came back to her. She always had a voice.

It was all she had. Her voice and the internet. A thought hit her. She pulled out her laptop and sat up. But she couldn’t just make a post. It would be dangerous. Dangerous to her and her family/friends. She knew the security here was top notch and wasn’t sure if Sky would help, but it was worth a shot.

”Hey Sky - how do I post a message that can’t be traced back here or to me?”

”I can do that for you.”

Marta smiled and typed the message on her laptop. She’d need an identity too. She looked up at the movie and thought of the perfect one.

”Sky - please send the post to the Scroll - with all the bells and whistles to protect us.” she smiled. ”And please send me resources so I can learn how to do these things on my own.”

[Sage]

Hey kid. Sky tells me you want resources to "do it yourself". What exactly did you have in mind? I got lots of options."

[Marta]

Marta had barely hit the button when a message popped up on her laptop. Her brow furrowed in confusion. The message had come quickly - quicker than it could have been typed. Was she talking to a robot. There was nothing to indicate who it was from, but it had mentioned Sky. She didn’t think that just anyone could get past the house’s security. It led Marta to believe that whoever was on the other end was friendly.

Still she was wary and typed a reply with a smirk. It’s impolite to not introduce yourself. I would do so, but I’m assuming you know who I am.” she finished the message with a tongue out emoji to show she was at least in a humorous mood. If the person had access Sky - he or she was likely watching and had probably seen her tense up when she got the message and the smirk as she had written it and would know she was wary.

[Sage]

We've met -- in passing.

[An animated gif of a carton prince brandishing a flourishing bow]

I am The Wicked Truth. But you can call me Sage while you are at home.

Friend to Nox. Creator of SKIE.

[Marta]

Marta knew the person now. He had been pointed out to her at Kallisti once, and of course she had known of the Wicked Truth. He always looked like he was high when she saw him. The fact that they were the same astonished her, but she moved on quickly. She was in the middle of logging on to her school when the second message popped up. She sighed.

Of course. Pleased to meet you. You can call me Marta at home, but since we’re also using our made up names - I’m Oracle. she inserted a gif of spider-man to accentuate her Marvel reference. Since you have access to SKIE, I’m assuming you read my post and know who I’m going against. For now, I just want to protect myself and my friends. I’m not always here for SKIE to do it. And I’d like to know how to do it myself. Eventually - I’ll want to learn more. I doubt the authorities will do much when I’m only a gnat in the cartels’ ear. After that, I’ll fight harder.

[Sage]

I have installed an app for you to post anon. No one will find you.

As far as fighting them. We got some work to do, gotta learn some code and some protocols. But we can fix that. If you work hard.

[Marta]

Sage texted way too fast! She still was unable to log in. She’d have to bring that up. I asked for resources to learn. I hope that at least shows I’m very interested. And I plan to work very hard. This is important to me. Very much so.

Speaking of learning and working hard. Could we move this conversation to my wallet. I keep trying to log on to school to sign up for computer science and get a head start on my homework since I’m unlikely to fall asleep soon. You text so fast I can’t log on :-p

You said “we.” Does this mean you’re willing to join the fight against the cartels? I’m kind of surprised. I expected that you’d be telling me it’s too dangerous and I shouldn’t. On that note I won’t be convinced. I have to do this - because no one else is. Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t petty revenge. It’s just…no one should have to go through what I did. I know things about people - powerful people. Right now all I have is a voice and a computer. If I had the tools to find proof - well - it’s a start.

I won’t lie - I’m scared. I’m up now because the memories give me nightmares. But I’m changing, and now the anger is louder than the fear. I have to do this.

[Sage]

The next message arrives on Marta's wallet as asked.

Sleep.Who needs sleep?

I make a point of not pissing off governments and banks. But evil fuckers I have no rules against. But I meant we as in I'll help you get the knowledge you want. It's your mission, your cause. I won't step on your toes, but I will get you where your young mind needs to go.

And keep you safe while you learn and make mistakes. Nox would kill me if I didn't.