What Is Wrong With Me?

[Elyse]

Elyse listened, and this time, she heard more than the words. Something stirred in her at Sierra's words - the part of her that cared about others was awakened, and for that moment, her pain diminished. Sierra was hurting too, maybe not as much as Elyse did right now, but Elyse still cared about her. Sierra had found a pack. Elyse had too, even if they didn't include wolfkin or wolves. She hoped that if Kallisti came up, Sierra wouldn't think less of her for that.

Elyse pulled her head up off of Sierra's shoulder and looked into Sierra's eyes. "I'm happy you've found a pack, and I'm sorry you've lost your packmate." Elyse brought her hand to Sierra's face. It would reveal Elyse's new tattoo to Sierra if she looked. "I hope you find them."

Elyse's pain wasn't gone and the guilt simmered within her, just waiting for something to bring it back for the forefront, but for the first time in awhile she felt calm; She felt like she had a chance to survive this.

[Sierra]

Sierra smiled. "You and Marta are still pack, it's not new, just more." People were not her favorite thing, it was one reason why her and Tristan got along so well. She much preferred the wolves.

"Guilt is strong, but you are stronger. What else have you been up to?"

[Elyse]

Elyse smiled at her words, it was a little forced, but it was better than the sobs. ”Sit with me.” she said and led her to a spot by the fire.

”I hope you find him, and I’d like very much to meet them sometime - if that can happen. Marta is thriving by the way.”

Sierra asked what she had been up to and she smiled thinking about it. She assumed Sierra meant the good things and not the bad. ”You’re not going to believe this. I got a new job.” she said and subconsciously, her clothing shifted to the scantily clad outfit she wore at Kallisti. ”Im a burlesque dancer.” she looked down and notice the change of clothing, but wasn’t embarrassed at all. She kept it on. ”Ive found a family there. One I’ve needed. And even though I’m unique there. They’ve accepted me as I am.”

[Sierra]

Sierra's eyes went wide in surprise. A burlesque dancer and the skantally clad outfit were all a shock for Sierra. "I couldn't do that. But I'm glad you are comfortable doing it.We are unique almost everywhere"

Sierra smiled. "How is Stinging Nose?"

[Elyse]

Elyse saddened a little bit. She missed Sting, but was very proud of him. He was also proud of her.

”Stinging nose is well - he taught me much, but felt a higher call. He’s in the forest east of Moscow, he found a mate and has formed his own pack. I check in from time to time, as does he, but he keeps pretty busy now. Still I miss him.”

Elyse felt better, but she was still scared and still worried. ”Sierra, I…I’m gonna try to get better. I don’t see how, but I’m gonna try. I promise.” she sighed, tears forming again. ”For the first time today, I thought of hurting myself. I don’t want to - it scares me that I thought of it. I’m gonna reach out to some people about this. I’m really scared. she paused. ”I really wish we had gotten to reunite when I wasn’t so…broken, but I’m really glad I got to see you again. It’s really helped. ”

((OoC: Feel free to end this))

[Sierra]

Sierra smiled. "You can always call or text if you need to talk."

She was grateful for catching up but she should keep looking for Tristan. "if you are alight I'm going to search more for Tristan. When we get back to Moscow we can meet up in person. Don't forget you are stronger than the guilt, but don't forget to feel."

Sierra could feel Never pulling at her, he was excited. He was enjoying his time with Tenzin. She gave Elyse a hug and then went off in search of her lost friend, though her hope was not great. He would have to be wanted to be found...

[Elyse]

Elyse woke herself up. Finding herself back in the room with a wet pillow. Apparently she had shed tears here too. Elyse looked around the room, and spotted her gun case, frowning. She grabbed her wallet and sent a message to Adrian.

Big Guy…you downstairs?

Yeah, what’s up?

Come up here please

Elyse stood up, putting on a pair of shorts and a tank top. Moments later a knock came at the door. Elyse stood, raising her hands, tears beginning to fall for the fear she felt. She knew she had to do this.

”Come in,” Elyse said.

Adrian entered and took her in - her posture, her tears, and immediately knew something was wrong. ”Whats wrong little wolf?”

She took a deep breath. ”Ive been having dark thoughts. Thoughts of self harm. I don’t want to, but they’re scaring me. You need to take my weapons away. I don’t feel safe with them here.”

He reacted with a speed she wouldn’t have believed out of the big man. Quickly she was wrapped in a hug. ”You’re safe, little wolf, we got you.” Elyse felt the tears sting as he set her down on the bed? ”Just yourself, no one else? Just harm?”

She nodded, noting that he was checking her forearms. ”No nothing else. Just me. Not…ending things…either. The guilt is so strong. It hurts so bad.”

He nodded, checking her for any injuries, making sure she hadn’t hurt herself. When directed, she opened her safe, allowing him access to her guns. She gave him the keys to the individual cases, which he pocketed, and took a bag that she offered to carry them.

”Any other weapons, Little Wolf,”

”Some knives in the drawers,” she responded.

He found then and placed them in the bag. ”Im gonna search the rest of the room, okay? And you know, morally I have to report this to Bruno and Nox?”

Elyse nodded, ”I understand - whatever you want to do - more check ins, camera in the room, whatever you guys want. I want help. Please don’t tell everyone though…I don’t want people to worry.”

”All security will know. Beyond that it’s not my choice.”

Elyse nodded, and Adrian finished his search. He grabbed the other security guy to take her equipment to a place undisclosed to Elyse.

Im proud of you, little wolf. It’s brave if you to do this. Want to talk about it.”

Elyse shook her head. ”No, but please stay?”

He nodded, and took a seat at her desk chair. Elyse felt so vulnerable and so scared. She didn’t want to, but the thoughts were still there.