06-17-2014, 11:49 PM
A noise made Connor look up. Ayden had walked into the room. She had been crying. For a moment, his heart softened. He ached for her, for what they had. It was short, but for the first time in years, he had opened himself up fully. And this was what he got. A woman who killed people for a living. He just.....he couldn't wrap his mind around it. He didn't understand. He had spent time with her. She was funny and sweet and tender and compassionate. How? How can a person just turn off their humanity and kill so cold-bloodedly without thought? Bereave a mother or father, brother or sister, son or daughter, of their loved one, all for the sake of money. That what she did never bothered her at all. The thought disgusted him.
She wiped her cheeks and started talking. His mind reeled from another blow. Not Ayden. Her name is Anne. It wasn't enough that his hope by taken from him. It had to be crushed, mutilated beyond compare. It was all a lie. She wasn't who she said she was. He put his head down in his hands, listened to her go on.
A part of him took it all in, the part that cared, that was always on the lookout to believe in people, that part of him heard her words, saw her gesture, the tears and the openness. That part wanted, desperately, so very desperately wanted to believe her. That somehow, he had made a difference in her life, that he had...saved her. A jangling noise on the bed next to him jolted him from that thought.
Keys. Keys to stashes of guns and whatever else. He tasted bitterness in his mouth. That fucking box, he thought bitterly, his memory tarnished. He'd helped her carry her weapons into her apartment, the very thing that had brought them together. They had joked and flirted while standing over the weapons she used to kill people. When they first made love on the couch, that box was in her line of sight the whole time. His heart felt pierced through.
"Today Ayden Hayes is real. Because of you. I'd like you to be part of it all, but I've laid everything out. You need to choose. But for what it's worth, I want to be the person you could love. And it'll be my goal in life to reach that pinnacle."
He heard her words, but...he just didn't know anything anymore. That part wanted to believe it. God in heaven he so wanted to believe her, that she really wanted to be someone he could love. At any other time in his life, those words would have sent his heart soaring, utterly enraptured. It was what he craved, the pure love of a woman who viewed him as an answer to her prayers, the very way he would have viewed her. But now...now, he just didn't know. Wanting to believe didn't make it true. He had guarded his heart so carefully....and now, this. It was shredded and in tatters, as if she had ripped it from his chest and was holding it in her palms.
No. She just shot me in the chest. Then the voice. And healed you too. And had told him too. He wasn't a fool. Well, maybe he was a fool. Definitely he was. But he could see that she believed what she was saying. She didn't have to have said anything to him. He wanted that to mean she was telling the truth, that she wanted to have a life with him.
But she was still the person who killed people for no reason but financial gain and felt no qualms about it. What does that say about her? About the person she is? What kind of fucked up life made a person a sociopath like that. And then he remembered how tender she was with him when talking about Hayden, when she found him crying. She wasn't faking it. And that final time they'd made love, the pure connection and intimacy. That was as real as he could have imagine.
Around and around, it went in his mind. There was no way out of this maze. Maybe she meant it. Maybe he believed her. But wanting to believe her couldn't change how his heart felt, how it felt to find out what he had hoped was a future was based on a lie.
She turned to leave, then stopped. "If you want to ask more, know more. I won't lie to you. You know where I live. I'm not going anywhere."
She walked out. He wanted to call to her. To tell her he believed her, that they could fix this somehow. He opened his mouth...and closed it. He just couldn't do it. He heard the door open and when it closed, his heart broke. He lay back in his bed, and just let the wave of emotions sweep over him, tossing him around every which way. He was drowning and couldn't find air, couldn't find footing. There was no way out.
And the waves continued to crash until finally, mercifully, he fell asleep.
Edited by Connor Kent, Jun 18 2014, 12:00 AM.
She wiped her cheeks and started talking. His mind reeled from another blow. Not Ayden. Her name is Anne. It wasn't enough that his hope by taken from him. It had to be crushed, mutilated beyond compare. It was all a lie. She wasn't who she said she was. He put his head down in his hands, listened to her go on.
A part of him took it all in, the part that cared, that was always on the lookout to believe in people, that part of him heard her words, saw her gesture, the tears and the openness. That part wanted, desperately, so very desperately wanted to believe her. That somehow, he had made a difference in her life, that he had...saved her. A jangling noise on the bed next to him jolted him from that thought.
Keys. Keys to stashes of guns and whatever else. He tasted bitterness in his mouth. That fucking box, he thought bitterly, his memory tarnished. He'd helped her carry her weapons into her apartment, the very thing that had brought them together. They had joked and flirted while standing over the weapons she used to kill people. When they first made love on the couch, that box was in her line of sight the whole time. His heart felt pierced through.
"Today Ayden Hayes is real. Because of you. I'd like you to be part of it all, but I've laid everything out. You need to choose. But for what it's worth, I want to be the person you could love. And it'll be my goal in life to reach that pinnacle."
He heard her words, but...he just didn't know anything anymore. That part wanted to believe it. God in heaven he so wanted to believe her, that she really wanted to be someone he could love. At any other time in his life, those words would have sent his heart soaring, utterly enraptured. It was what he craved, the pure love of a woman who viewed him as an answer to her prayers, the very way he would have viewed her. But now...now, he just didn't know. Wanting to believe didn't make it true. He had guarded his heart so carefully....and now, this. It was shredded and in tatters, as if she had ripped it from his chest and was holding it in her palms.
No. She just shot me in the chest. Then the voice. And healed you too. And had told him too. He wasn't a fool. Well, maybe he was a fool. Definitely he was. But he could see that she believed what she was saying. She didn't have to have said anything to him. He wanted that to mean she was telling the truth, that she wanted to have a life with him.
But she was still the person who killed people for no reason but financial gain and felt no qualms about it. What does that say about her? About the person she is? What kind of fucked up life made a person a sociopath like that. And then he remembered how tender she was with him when talking about Hayden, when she found him crying. She wasn't faking it. And that final time they'd made love, the pure connection and intimacy. That was as real as he could have imagine.
Around and around, it went in his mind. There was no way out of this maze. Maybe she meant it. Maybe he believed her. But wanting to believe her couldn't change how his heart felt, how it felt to find out what he had hoped was a future was based on a lie.
She turned to leave, then stopped. "If you want to ask more, know more. I won't lie to you. You know where I live. I'm not going anywhere."
She walked out. He wanted to call to her. To tell her he believed her, that they could fix this somehow. He opened his mouth...and closed it. He just couldn't do it. He heard the door open and when it closed, his heart broke. He lay back in his bed, and just let the wave of emotions sweep over him, tossing him around every which way. He was drowning and couldn't find air, couldn't find footing. There was no way out.
And the waves continued to crash until finally, mercifully, he fell asleep.
Edited by Connor Kent, Jun 18 2014, 12:00 AM.