This is Me

[Raffe]

Li seemed in awe, not that Raffe blamed him. He grinned back as Nox caught his eye. For a moment he continued to watch alongside the other man, half smiling, at least until the word atharim spilled from Li's lips in surprise. Raffe blinked, wondering what had suddenly made him think so. He didn’t confirm or deny. It hadn’t been a question anyway. 

“It wasn’t a creature,” he said firmly. “And Nox didn’t save me, not from that.” He touched the scar lightly, a frown flickering his brow at the memory. What Li said about guilt weighed heavier than he’d like, poking at all his insecurities. He didn’t want to be something that needed protecting. He didn’t want to be something Nox would always have to worry about.

“The way he does it doesn’t work for me. We tried,” he said eventually. His feet shuffled, clearly ill at ease with himself. A sigh pressed from his lungs. “Think I’m afraid of it. The power, I mean. I don’t want it, not any of it, but if I don’t learn then it’ll kill me. I only need to touch it once, right? Then I won’t get Sick again, and I can forget it’s even a part of me.” Even as he said it he knew it sounded naive, but it was sincere too.