Just Why?

[Claude Saint-Clair]

There was something protective in Nox's nature. He didn't really understand much besides that Sky was likely the AI. Claude had no idea what Wicked referred to, but based on what Nox said, he was trying to keep his channeling off the Atharim radar. That was good for both him and Nora. He felt himself grateful for that. It was then he decided that he'd actually try this despite his apathy to the power.

Nox began to eat like this was just a normal day in his life, and it probably was. For Claude this was all still fresh. It felt almost like a wound that needed to be healed that couldn't. Shame was still a big part of it, even though it wasn't his fault. He had never asked for it.

Claude turned his mind towards the situation at hand. "Alright - I'll give it a go," he said, looking inside as Nox suggested. Looking for a dark side within. He wasn't sure what that meant. He wasn't even really sure where to look, but he tried. He found nothing.

"Not really sure how to find it," he said, his voice calm and even. He was no stranger to failures and wouldn't give up this soon. Had Nox not shown his earlier attempts to keep his channeling hidden from the hunters. "Not sure if I'm doing something wrong or not. I'll try again."

This time he focused more, using techniques he had learned to do so - mostly breath control. Searching within wasn't an odd experience. He had learned meditation from Phillipe and through prayer. Perhaps he couldn't find it because he was mentally and emotionally distracted. Then it was there. A dark spot like Nox had said hidden amongst his other emotions. He tried to grab it, but failed. "It's there, but can't grasp it yet."

[Nox]

Nox wasn't surprised he couldn't find it the first time. And again not surprised he couldn't grab it either. He remembered the power slipping through his fingers. It wasn't too long you that he felt it slip away forever. Except here he was back with the power.

"Okay let's try it a different way. What were you thinking and feeling when the earth started to shake? Emotions often play a part in that first touch."

[Claude Saint-Clair]

Emotions. There certainly had been emotions when he had channeled - mostly worry and anxiety. Thinking of that brought Nora to mind. It had been the first time they had seen each other in months, and Nora had been distracted and upset. Of course Claude knew why now. Back then he hadn't. Claude didn't want to go much into detail on this with a man he barely knew, even if he seemed to actually care enough to keep them out of view of the more conservative of the Atharim.

Thinking of Nora, he wondered how she was doing right now. She had headed straight into the lion's den of crazy. Her mission was to infiltrate the Brotherhood of the Ascendant Flame - a cult that worshiped the Ascendancy. Nora was finally getting to do field work. She'd wanted to her whole life. She was incredibly qualified for it too, but because of an accident and overprotective parents, she hadn't been able to. Despite her qualifications, he couldn't help but feel nervous about her going there.

Claude came back to the present. "Mostly felt anxious and worried when I...you know," he said. He was feeling a little of that now, so he tried again. Finding that dark spot was a bit easier now, but as he reached, it still slipped through his fingers. He could almost feel it, but couldn't do much more than that. "I think I can feel it - bull in a china shop makes sense, but it keeps slipping through my fingers."

[Nox]

Nox finished the last bit of his omelet and put the dishes in the dishwasher before he turned back to Claude. "Well first of all you need to accept that you can channel. That you are a godling. You aren't going to change it, so you might as well say it. You can try all you want, but if you think it's wrong, or avoid it, it's only going to get worse." Nox thought about Raffe. Thought about why he didn't want to touch the power. Sadness passed over his face but Nox pushed it away. Raffe was gone now. Not part of his life -- he wanted none of it so he needed to let it go. It was still difficult, but he let it go.

"I grew up hating what I am now. Killed a few in my early days before I was what I am now. I know what you feel. But you are what we were taught to hate. You gotta get over it."

Nox stood up and nodded towards to stairs down. "Come with me." Nox didn't wait to see if followed. He either wanted to live or he would die. It was his choice.

Nox took the stairs down to the lobby and then around the elevator to the stairs back down to the basement. He didn't need to punch the entry code, Sky had already unlocked it before they got close. The lights to the basement stairs flicked on as he walked down and the dojo lights turned on shortly there after. "Anxiety and protectivness are often things that get in the way. Sometimes you need to find that place you used then to get to the power.

Nox walked into the center of the dojo, the ball throwing machines were all powered off. The kids were out of the house for the most part -- at least Arabella was. Though he wouldn't mind a few random balls being thrown at him, it would be nice to get back into his regular routine of things.

Nox reached through the slime and pulled upon the power. It raged through him. "It takes practice and you have to control it. You can't just think about it, you have to do it. It's not easy. It's like trying to swim against a raging river. Or to walk in hurricane force winds. It's your will agains it. You have to beleive you can do it, or you'll keep missing it." Nox moved in one smooth martial motion, arms sweeping wide, legs going low and one out and the aurora borealis fluttered along the walls of the dojo. "It's percision, and grace, but inside I'm fighting a storm."