New Adventures

[Esper]

Ashton’s emotions changed, and Esper was stung by it. Her hand jerked as though the pain was physical, and her expression sundered into something fractured and vulnerable. His words were like the lash of rain, mostly unfathomable, but the attack of it felt personal. Her eyes made minute movements, like she was processing something, and her breaths came sharp and shallow. Emotion in others was nourishment, and she hungered for all its nuances, but she rarely ever had to battle her own.

And this hurt.

She had offered him something as honestly as she knew how, something she craved herself: home, belonging, acceptance. But he declared her a poor substitute for what he had already found. Was growing angry at her for a reason she couldn’t fathom through all the complex knots of his trauma.

The souls she felt kinship for were as rare as rare, and this morning she had been jubilant at the prospect of finding him. His anger now should have made her own incandescent, but instead it only struck a match against the gasoline of a stunning rejection. She scrubbed the tears from her eyes without knowing why they were falling hot down her cheeks. The sobs were stifled in her chest.

His singing numbed her, promising to take away what she felt if she listened. She took half a step towards him, completely involuntarily, lulled. But she could also feel what he inspired in Roza; something that tightened the other’s embrace. The song itself was lost on Esper. And he was walking away. They could follow, but for what? For her to feel how much Ashton loved another?

“My soul is breaking?” she asked Roza. Her voice choked.

[Roza Vas]

Roza felt the song he song but Esper's words broke her heart. What had happened? She thought about the words, and wondered what he'd been feeling. She wrapped her arms around Esper. "Not breaking, Sadness, My love." Roza didn't leave Esper's side. But she shouted against the rising of love of family

"What right do you have to say such hurtful things to her. She is only trying to help. Free you from the chains of your life."

Ashton looked at her and frowned. "I'm sorry I hurt her feelings. But she hurts mine dismissing my family. I offer everything. Family friends, the song she seeks. Together. I don't know what she is, I know what I am. I know what I can do. It's connected, why? I don't know but it is. I'm going home. You can come, there is room." Ashton turned and started walking back.

Roza held Esper tight. "I'm with you whatever you want to do, my love."

[Esper]

Esper didn’t like being churned upon the whims of something so painful. She turned to bury her face in the space between Roza’s shoulder and neck, to hide her crumbling expression. The other girl’s yell cast its own protective spell, but Esper didn’t know how to process what she was feeling. Others were usually so inconsequential to her – they were nourishment, distraction, entertainment. Her bond with Roza was so old and strong she sometimes didn’t see them as different people, which did not mean they never argued, but that it was only ever fleeting. No one else had ever come close to piercing Esper’s shell.

The sweetness of Ashton’s voice, even now, opened longing in her chest. Yet apologies were never true when they were followed by but, so she didn’t listen to it. Her soul recoiled against the idea of the house like it were a physical cage. The people in it were broken, which might have tasted sweet, except they already orbited another.

“He has power over me. He does not mean to be careless. He does not know,” she murmured into Roza’s hair. She wanted Ashton with such a visceral hunger it really did feel like she was breaking. She had not tried to manipulate with slyness, as they did their marks. She had not used her power to force what she desired. The truth was Esper’s highest regarded currency, aside from her promise. But it seemed her true nature found no welcome. It made her think of the priests at the Santissima Annunziata Maggiore, which only deepened the sudden despair of her mood. So for now she only leaned into Roza’s comfort and strength, and let her squeezed tight eyes burn with tears.

[Roza Vas]

Roza had never seen Esper like this. So hurt. She held her close, but she wanted to rush behind the boy and beat him but she wouldn't. She instead focused on Esper. "I'm here. Focus on me. We can get through this. You can have whatever you want. We can have whatever we want."

At this moment she didn't know what that was. Or what they should do but they couldn't stay here in the cold. The had options. Zeke, the Vega's, to follow the boy back but she was pretty sure even with the song luring Roza there Esper didn't feel it, she only felt the connection and his song made it stronger, but Esper wept in her arms and that made Roza hurt more than ever. She wanted to do something but she didn't know what. Didn't know what to do other than comfort her love.

[Esper]

Esper leaned into the comfort, and was quiet for a time, despite the biting cold. When she finally lifted her head, her eyes were blushed pink with the remnants of her tears. Her pale face was solemn, her lips downturned. This morning Roza gave up her entire life so that they could be together, and Esper did not understand why Ashton would not do the same despite the way they were connected. He would take a chance on the kindness of a man he had fed to monsters, but not on her.

But the emotions in his absence had begun to calm. She felt depleted, like the whole thing had taken something from her, rather than filled her up. It was disconcerting. “I do not like sadness,” she murmured to Roza. But while there was comfort in the other’s closeness, she could feel all the uncertainty swirling inside her too; not regret, just a need to see the shape of the future. “It sounded like the Vegas were expected to take us in,” she said after a moment. So much so that the man with the baby had demanded Ashton contact some other stray with the same invite. “If we go, and they say no, I will not force them. That isn’t a promise. I just do not feel like it now.”

It would taste a little too much like Ashton’s rejection. Forced love was useful, but its necessity would be too much of a sting. And now it would just feel false. A reminder that not everyone loved Esper the way Roza did.

“Or we can go to the church. Zeke won’t ask questions.” She sighed a little, having no real preference of her own.

[Roza Vas]

Roza held Esper tight but when she was ready she let go. "I think the church is safest. Zeke can help us figure out what to do. Even if we don't stay, he'll know what to do."

It wasn't hard to find their way to the church. They had been plenty of times, somehow this felt different. Maybe more life altering, or it was her life. She didn't like Esper sad, or lost and she'd never seen her this distraught.

[Esper]

She only nodded and followed, glad to have the decision taken from her hands. The church would have plenty of other energies to tap into, and probably provide some distraction, but the prospect didn’t lift her mood any. When they arrived she traipsed through the colourful sleepingbags and partitioning blankets, using her senses to guide somewhere quieter. Then when she found some free cushions she flopped down, determined to wallow. She made room for Roza to join her if she wanted to, but didn’t expect it. Esper wouldn’t want to be stuck with her in this mood either. It was bad enough being the one experiencing it.

[Roza Vas]

Roza sat down with Esper, she didn't want to leave her alone. "We can talk to Zeke later. Are you hungry? need anything to drink?" She would do whatever Esper needed. She hugged her close to her. "I'll never leave you." Probably a promise, but it was the truth.