09-03-2018, 11:37 PM
Lih nodded, but he didn't feel especially rewarded. A week earlier, he would have been thrilled at such a promotion, excited at the prospect of toys. He tried to imagine what his seven-days younger self would have been like, but all he could see imagine was another young corpse face down in the brown dust of that nightclub. He saw the look in Alex's eyes, and felt even less praised than before.
"Alex?" he whispered. His throat felt dry and he dearly wished his cup wasn't empty.
"Whatever that was. We did it. We lived."
He looked at Alex for a moment longer, then turned away his gaze, chewing the inside of his cheek. His hands clenched and unclenched, as if imagining his auto-pistol. It was held in a locker somewhere, waiting for him.
He frowned. "I said it like it was a good thing. We did our jobs. We stopped two cannibals and liberated a group of kidnapped women and children. When I killed these ... men it was like my mind slipped off the edge of some precipice and dropped into nothingness. Turns out, according to the bio-data from Dr. Sonia, both men fathered the children we saved, including an unborn child in the mother's body. I've devoted my life to helping people, as a trained cop. I left my hometown to serve in Moscow CCDPD, to serve the people here. It's said that good works and selfless effort are their own rewards."
Lih shrugged, "but this has been duty, without relief. I do not feel rewarded by what I have done. I'm worn out by the thought of having killed these children's father, somebody's lover. This 'incident' has tested the limits of my selfless service. All of this, all of this and I feel like I've learnt nothing at all."
It was hard to sleep, because he was wound up so tight, and though he tried, his mind and body would not unclench. He wondered if the tension would ever ease. It didn't feel like it would. He felt he'd be two heartbeats from ducking and firing for the rest of his life. The instinct that been ground into him. Every sound from outside his room made him reach for his pistol, and, at night, he could hear the loud shouts and traffic coming from his window --Lih's apartment was on the second floor above a lively party street in downtown Moscow.
"When I do sleep, it's troubled. Dreams plague me, although upon waking I can't remember the details... " he looked up into Alex's face with a half smile "I just pray for sleep without dreams."
"Alex?" he whispered. His throat felt dry and he dearly wished his cup wasn't empty.
"Whatever that was. We did it. We lived."
He looked at Alex for a moment longer, then turned away his gaze, chewing the inside of his cheek. His hands clenched and unclenched, as if imagining his auto-pistol. It was held in a locker somewhere, waiting for him.
He frowned. "I said it like it was a good thing. We did our jobs. We stopped two cannibals and liberated a group of kidnapped women and children. When I killed these ... men it was like my mind slipped off the edge of some precipice and dropped into nothingness. Turns out, according to the bio-data from Dr. Sonia, both men fathered the children we saved, including an unborn child in the mother's body. I've devoted my life to helping people, as a trained cop. I left my hometown to serve in Moscow CCDPD, to serve the people here. It's said that good works and selfless effort are their own rewards."
Lih shrugged, "but this has been duty, without relief. I do not feel rewarded by what I have done. I'm worn out by the thought of having killed these children's father, somebody's lover. This 'incident' has tested the limits of my selfless service. All of this, all of this and I feel like I've learnt nothing at all."
It was hard to sleep, because he was wound up so tight, and though he tried, his mind and body would not unclench. He wondered if the tension would ever ease. It didn't feel like it would. He felt he'd be two heartbeats from ducking and firing for the rest of his life. The instinct that been ground into him. Every sound from outside his room made him reach for his pistol, and, at night, he could hear the loud shouts and traffic coming from his window --Lih's apartment was on the second floor above a lively party street in downtown Moscow.
"When I do sleep, it's troubled. Dreams plague me, although upon waking I can't remember the details... " he looked up into Alex's face with a half smile "I just pray for sleep without dreams."
Viktor Lih
Officer of CCDPD
Officer of CCDPD