04-02-2014, 04:44 PM
"I suppose we owe you answers, Connor
," Jensen said quietly. He looked at Giovanni and then said, "What would you like to know?
"
Connor looked at them both. Then he took a deep breath, suddenly unsure how to start. Such a crazy emotional day. It was roller coaster, barreling him through so many emotional states. Numbness. Listlessness. Depression. Fear. Anger. Relief. Excitement. Contentment. Attraction. Compassion. Loneliness. And now...now……pain, as he opened his wound, like digging up a grave and exposing it to the elements anew.
"I, uh....My son Hayden...he-
“ His voice failed him. “Uh, he died about six months ago.
" He swallowed and took a another breath. "I watched him die over two weeks.
" He'd kept that particular memory suppressed for all this time. But it was coming out. The sound of those screams, the chill in the skin of his face and hands, the sweat that covered him as he shivered, the tears as he cried and rocked about....it all returned to him from the place where he kept it buried deep, a place he tried to avoid but kept finding a way to. And beneath it all, Hayden's voice crying from when he was a little boy- "Daddy, Daddy, please Daddy!
"- overlaid it all.
He was supposed to protect his son. He’d promised. He was supposed to be there for him and make sure nothing bad happened to him. And there he was, impotent, holding his son's hand, forehead to Hayden’s hand, pleading and praying- and nothing could stop Hayden's suffering. Hayden, my son, I am so sorry. Ahh my son, my son. I'm sorry. I failed you. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.... The mantra played over and over in his head. He closed his eyes and put his head down, feeling the pounding of his heart. Tears dripped from his eyes. He took a deep breath Please God, Please Abba, please please help me! Another breath. Another. He squeezed his hands into fists until they hurt, tightening his the muscles in his arms in impotent rage. Slowly he calmed. He lifted his head up and opened his eyes, swiping his tears with thumb and forefinger. He got control of himself, stilled his heart.
"My son died of 'the sickness'. His mother and I, we tried to help him. We tried. But we didn't take him to the hospital.
" He stopped again. "We didn't take him.
" He said the words quietly. "We didn't take him because his mom...his mom said it was dangerous.
" Anger welled up in him. He was still angry at Jamie...She had taken Hayden's death hard he knew. She had gone a month barely getting out of bed or talking to anyone. Jamie had loved Hayden, he knew that. Connor knew she had been trying to protect Hayden...but was she right? Had she been right? Should he have listened to her? "We didn't take him. Jamie said that people with the sickness were disappearing. Their families were disappearing.
"
He clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth and looked Jensen forcefully in the eye. "What I want to know...what I have to know, is why I didn't take him to the hospital. What was I protecting him from?
" The thought that he had made a mistake, that they had been wrong....if that happened...well...
Edited by Connor Kent, Apr 2 2014, 08:28 PM.
," Jensen said quietly. He looked at Giovanni and then said, "What would you like to know?
"
Connor looked at them both. Then he took a deep breath, suddenly unsure how to start. Such a crazy emotional day. It was roller coaster, barreling him through so many emotional states. Numbness. Listlessness. Depression. Fear. Anger. Relief. Excitement. Contentment. Attraction. Compassion. Loneliness. And now...now……pain, as he opened his wound, like digging up a grave and exposing it to the elements anew.
"I, uh....My son Hayden...he-
“ His voice failed him. “Uh, he died about six months ago.
" He swallowed and took a another breath. "I watched him die over two weeks.
" He'd kept that particular memory suppressed for all this time. But it was coming out. The sound of those screams, the chill in the skin of his face and hands, the sweat that covered him as he shivered, the tears as he cried and rocked about....it all returned to him from the place where he kept it buried deep, a place he tried to avoid but kept finding a way to. And beneath it all, Hayden's voice crying from when he was a little boy- "Daddy, Daddy, please Daddy!
"- overlaid it all.
He was supposed to protect his son. He’d promised. He was supposed to be there for him and make sure nothing bad happened to him. And there he was, impotent, holding his son's hand, forehead to Hayden’s hand, pleading and praying- and nothing could stop Hayden's suffering. Hayden, my son, I am so sorry. Ahh my son, my son. I'm sorry. I failed you. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.... The mantra played over and over in his head. He closed his eyes and put his head down, feeling the pounding of his heart. Tears dripped from his eyes. He took a deep breath Please God, Please Abba, please please help me! Another breath. Another. He squeezed his hands into fists until they hurt, tightening his the muscles in his arms in impotent rage. Slowly he calmed. He lifted his head up and opened his eyes, swiping his tears with thumb and forefinger. He got control of himself, stilled his heart.
"My son died of 'the sickness'. His mother and I, we tried to help him. We tried. But we didn't take him to the hospital.
" He stopped again. "We didn't take him.
" He said the words quietly. "We didn't take him because his mom...his mom said it was dangerous.
" Anger welled up in him. He was still angry at Jamie...She had taken Hayden's death hard he knew. She had gone a month barely getting out of bed or talking to anyone. Jamie had loved Hayden, he knew that. Connor knew she had been trying to protect Hayden...but was she right? Had she been right? Should he have listened to her? "We didn't take him. Jamie said that people with the sickness were disappearing. Their families were disappearing.
"
He clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth and looked Jensen forcefully in the eye. "What I want to know...what I have to know, is why I didn't take him to the hospital. What was I protecting him from?
" The thought that he had made a mistake, that they had been wrong....if that happened...well...
Edited by Connor Kent, Apr 2 2014, 08:28 PM.