07-11-2014, 02:49 PM
Calvin handed him his wallet and started talking. Connor looked at the picture. A pretty woman holding a little boy. He listened as Calvin spoke, laying bare the wound that he carried. Connor was still, just absorbing it all. The pain on the man's face was evident, his family having been violently ripped out of his life.
He knew it all too well. His own wounds from the death of Hayden were still fresh though they had started to scab over. With some help, they had. It was his turn now, his turn to pass on what he had learned and maybe help this poor man.
His jaw was clenched and there were tears in his eyes by the time it was all over. He closed his eyes and swallowed. Then he opened them and said, "Ahh my friend. I am truly sorry for your loss."
His words sounded trite but he honestly meant them. "I really am Calvin. I know the pain of losing a son. It's just...it's not something...."
He sighed. "It leaves a hole in you. I can't imagine also losing your wife in the same accident. My ex-wife is still alive back in the US."
He shook his head slowly.
"Man, this is hard. It's a hard thing to go through. It's not how life is supposed to be."
He snorted softly. "But life is never what we think it should be is it. Truth is, I came to Moscow to find out why my son died. He was sick and died in his mother's and my arms. He was 21."
Tears dropped from eyes at the memory. "He was in pain for much of it. It's just not fair. I died that day. Even while I was seeking answers, I started to drink away the pain."
He stopped, thinking back to the seeking of oblivion. He'd done the same with Ayden too. "It was such a childish way to deal with things- or not deal with them."
"I want to say that you're being smart about what you are doing,"
nodding to the water in his hand. "The only way you're going to get through this is to process it. It's gonna hurt man. To go through it, to arrive at a place where you can live again....well it's gonna hurt. But that's life."
He got a little pensive. "I guess its the price we have to pay for allowing people into our hearts. They get taken away from us and we have to pick up the pieces."
His eyes hardened and he spoke to Calvin earnestly. "But it's worth it man. The joys in life are worth the pains, even though we really don't want to experience them. It's not like there's some cosmic tally or something. Well, I don't believe in that anyway. I don't believe in fate or that all things happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things happen for no reason and it just sucks. It's not deserved or a lesson or whatever. It just dumb stupid chance. So don't think it was your fault or something."
He breathed heavily. He really wanted a drink now. But no. He had to face this, focus. "I know I'm rambling. But look, I do wanna help you. I think I can help you. I've been on this road you're on. And I've come out the other side. With bruises-"
He laughed at the fact that he had literal bruises on his face. "With bruises, but I came through. I miss my son desperately. I don't know if I'll ever see him again. Afterlife stuff I just don't really know about anymore. But I feel like I owe him, that I have to live my life in a way that would make him proud."
He smiled at the memory. See what your dad did there, bud? That cool? "I've found peace finally. So yeah, I'd like to help you if you'd let me."
He watched Calvin, struck by how much people all bottled up inside them, himself included. We all carry around such pain and sorrow that very few ever get to see. We carry this load ourselves when we should start helping each other.
He knew it all too well. His own wounds from the death of Hayden were still fresh though they had started to scab over. With some help, they had. It was his turn now, his turn to pass on what he had learned and maybe help this poor man.
His jaw was clenched and there were tears in his eyes by the time it was all over. He closed his eyes and swallowed. Then he opened them and said, "Ahh my friend. I am truly sorry for your loss."
His words sounded trite but he honestly meant them. "I really am Calvin. I know the pain of losing a son. It's just...it's not something...."
He sighed. "It leaves a hole in you. I can't imagine also losing your wife in the same accident. My ex-wife is still alive back in the US."
He shook his head slowly.
"Man, this is hard. It's a hard thing to go through. It's not how life is supposed to be."
He snorted softly. "But life is never what we think it should be is it. Truth is, I came to Moscow to find out why my son died. He was sick and died in his mother's and my arms. He was 21."
Tears dropped from eyes at the memory. "He was in pain for much of it. It's just not fair. I died that day. Even while I was seeking answers, I started to drink away the pain."
He stopped, thinking back to the seeking of oblivion. He'd done the same with Ayden too. "It was such a childish way to deal with things- or not deal with them."
"I want to say that you're being smart about what you are doing,"
nodding to the water in his hand. "The only way you're going to get through this is to process it. It's gonna hurt man. To go through it, to arrive at a place where you can live again....well it's gonna hurt. But that's life."
He got a little pensive. "I guess its the price we have to pay for allowing people into our hearts. They get taken away from us and we have to pick up the pieces."
His eyes hardened and he spoke to Calvin earnestly. "But it's worth it man. The joys in life are worth the pains, even though we really don't want to experience them. It's not like there's some cosmic tally or something. Well, I don't believe in that anyway. I don't believe in fate or that all things happen for a reason. Sometimes bad things happen for no reason and it just sucks. It's not deserved or a lesson or whatever. It just dumb stupid chance. So don't think it was your fault or something."
He breathed heavily. He really wanted a drink now. But no. He had to face this, focus. "I know I'm rambling. But look, I do wanna help you. I think I can help you. I've been on this road you're on. And I've come out the other side. With bruises-"
He laughed at the fact that he had literal bruises on his face. "With bruises, but I came through. I miss my son desperately. I don't know if I'll ever see him again. Afterlife stuff I just don't really know about anymore. But I feel like I owe him, that I have to live my life in a way that would make him proud."
He smiled at the memory. See what your dad did there, bud? That cool? "I've found peace finally. So yeah, I'd like to help you if you'd let me."
He watched Calvin, struck by how much people all bottled up inside them, himself included. We all carry around such pain and sorrow that very few ever get to see. We carry this load ourselves when we should start helping each other.