10-18-2014, 04:21 AM
Calvin moved back to the window, feeling confused. "I smelled the smoke"
Calvin looked outside, seeing the town and he really looked. There was a lack of anything resembling a fire outside. He wondered at Jensen's words - was he so far gone that he was imagining things to get his alcohol fix?
Calvin realized he could have smelled it, but it could have been anything. He wanted to leave, but he didn't. He wanted to get a drink, but he didn't. He wanted help, but he didn't. There was some type of war going on inside of him and he felt himself become confused and overwhelmed at the emotions. He felt the blame come. He thought of his family - his fault - he was a bad son, father, and husband.
I...I..."
Calvin stammered, his hands starting to shake in frustration and nervousness. "You're...right. And you're wrong too. I don't know. I want to leave, but I don't. They're gone...dad, my wife, my son - they're gone - it's my fault. And this -"
he pointed at his eyes. "It's the wolf too - it comes out and I can't control it. It's like a fight and the alcohol makes it go away....and...and other things make it go away too."
Calvin was afraid to mention the women around Jensen - the way he had emotionally hurt some of them. Jensen would probably hate him.
"I...I..."
Calvin was starting to cry again and his mind screamed for his medicine - he was beginning to think of it as such. "I need a drink....but I don't want it. Please...can I have another lemonade - it makes it easier."
The depression was fighting so hard. Calvin went back to the table and sat down again. He worked up the courage to meet Jensen's gaze. "You've been so kind to me. I still am not sure I understand why, but I need to ask. I don't think I should go home tonight. Can I stay here - just for tonight?"
That light inside of Calvin appeared again in his mind despite the depression screaming at him.
Calvin looked outside, seeing the town and he really looked. There was a lack of anything resembling a fire outside. He wondered at Jensen's words - was he so far gone that he was imagining things to get his alcohol fix?
Calvin realized he could have smelled it, but it could have been anything. He wanted to leave, but he didn't. He wanted to get a drink, but he didn't. He wanted help, but he didn't. There was some type of war going on inside of him and he felt himself become confused and overwhelmed at the emotions. He felt the blame come. He thought of his family - his fault - he was a bad son, father, and husband.
I...I..."
Calvin stammered, his hands starting to shake in frustration and nervousness. "You're...right. And you're wrong too. I don't know. I want to leave, but I don't. They're gone...dad, my wife, my son - they're gone - it's my fault. And this -"
he pointed at his eyes. "It's the wolf too - it comes out and I can't control it. It's like a fight and the alcohol makes it go away....and...and other things make it go away too."
Calvin was afraid to mention the women around Jensen - the way he had emotionally hurt some of them. Jensen would probably hate him.
"I...I..."
Calvin was starting to cry again and his mind screamed for his medicine - he was beginning to think of it as such. "I need a drink....but I don't want it. Please...can I have another lemonade - it makes it easier."
The depression was fighting so hard. Calvin went back to the table and sat down again. He worked up the courage to meet Jensen's gaze. "You've been so kind to me. I still am not sure I understand why, but I need to ask. I don't think I should go home tonight. Can I stay here - just for tonight?"
That light inside of Calvin appeared again in his mind despite the depression screaming at him.