Medsi

[Natalie Grey]

Apologies were things to brace for. They nearly always preceded loss. Natalie felt the sharpness of it, but the twist was entirely of her own making. She didn’t even know what he thought he was apologising for, just knew it indicated a reorganisation of the blame he was busy internalising. It was a risk she’d known she was taking, though. Jay made a burden of her care, something she often tried to relieve him of in the soft ways she stepped around him. The thick waves of things left unsaid were a buffer he clung to; it was why she rarely crossed the distance in ways he had to acknowledge. Her hand finally dropped from the edges of his coat as the nurse approached. He looked relieved.

“I’m not here because I need you to protect me. I’m here because I won’t leave you behind.” It came out rawer than she intended. A promise nonetheless, and not one she made lightly. But her eyes flickered away then, not in order to replace her mask, but to endure what was to follow now the hospital was finally ready to look at his hand. Natalie didn’t offer to remain in the waiting room, just shifted the bag on her shoulder and followed. It wasn’t heavy. Jay was wearing everything he owned, and Natalie had been ruthlessly economical in uprooting their lives. There was little she’d cared to salvage.

A woman’s ranting interrupted what should have been a straightforward path. Beautiful, viperous, and spitting angry. Miss Marveet, she presumed, by the elegant evening attire and Carter close behind. Nurses placated the situation. It really wasn’t her business. But exhaustion punctured the desire to remain impartial. The entitlement grated.

“The tantrum is the thing making you look ridiculous,” she said as they passed. There wasn’t any heat in it, just cool observation. It was everything she hated about Moscow.