3 hours ago
Liv looked at the canvas, trying to be fair. The Mandala was symmetrical and the pencil design good. But that didn't mean the painting would be good. The pencil drawing was was just a skeleton. Clean lines, idealized, potential. Pretty.
But the paints, the whirl of colors and gradiation and connectivity is what brought life. "Living breathing work is what moves people. Anything less is just planning or hope." Leila of course. The hardest part of moving on was trying to deal with the good or real things she'd learned from her. Frankly, she still struggled with it. She'd have liked to throw everything away from her life with Laila. But somehow, she was realizing life was far more complicated.
Which was all a bunch of avoidance. Nika. It was Nika she was frustrated at. But even that was wrong. It wasn't like they were dating. It wasn't like they were a couple. They'd been on two real dates. Held hands. Kissed once. And whlle it was clear they were both into each other, they also were doing this careful. Slowly.
And Nika had a life. Jeez, she raced motorcycles around the world. Was even famous, from what Grigor said. It wasn't like Liv owned her. It wasn't like she needed to check in.
And yet still Liv felt put out or hurt that it had been since Nika had reached out. Purposely, she had avoided asking her brother to see if there were any races or anything. He didnt know she had been out with Nika. After Laila, she wasn't about to introduce anyone else to her until she could be sure. Maybe it was a protection. But she also didn't want to be embarrassed. And Mom and Daddy were so protective.
She suspected they had tried to get Laila fired or to get the police involved once they learned how bad it had been. Liv didn't ask. She felt bad enough as it was.
Bottom line was that she had mentioned nothing about dating anyone to her family. A brief question to Grigor about Nika Roskov. That was it.
And now it was two months. She knew Nika's schedule was tight. And that there were rules. And they weren't a couple.
And she had no right.
But she was sad. And her paint just didnt flow. The colors didn't come to life the way they should have. And she just couldn't find it again.
She cleaned off the glass plate she used as a palette and washed her brushes and then laid down. Dinner would be done soon, from the smells downstairs. She lay on her bad and decided to doom scroll through her wallet.
After a while, she felt sleepy and put it down. At some point she was asleep. And then she heard a chime. She fumbled for her wallet and opened it up.
Her heart lept. It was Nika.
She was back. Liv was excited. And upset she was excited. She didn't want this again. Dependency. She would not let herself be owned again. She couldn't.
And yet the excitement was there all the same. She would be calm. And not a simpering weakling. She texted back. "OK. Let me know where we can meet."
She wasn't mad at Nika. And wasn't trying to be cold. But she was scared. Of Nika. And of her own feelings. And of her excitement at finally hearing from her.
But the paints, the whirl of colors and gradiation and connectivity is what brought life. "Living breathing work is what moves people. Anything less is just planning or hope." Leila of course. The hardest part of moving on was trying to deal with the good or real things she'd learned from her. Frankly, she still struggled with it. She'd have liked to throw everything away from her life with Laila. But somehow, she was realizing life was far more complicated.
Which was all a bunch of avoidance. Nika. It was Nika she was frustrated at. But even that was wrong. It wasn't like they were dating. It wasn't like they were a couple. They'd been on two real dates. Held hands. Kissed once. And whlle it was clear they were both into each other, they also were doing this careful. Slowly.
And Nika had a life. Jeez, she raced motorcycles around the world. Was even famous, from what Grigor said. It wasn't like Liv owned her. It wasn't like she needed to check in.
And yet still Liv felt put out or hurt that it had been since Nika had reached out. Purposely, she had avoided asking her brother to see if there were any races or anything. He didnt know she had been out with Nika. After Laila, she wasn't about to introduce anyone else to her until she could be sure. Maybe it was a protection. But she also didn't want to be embarrassed. And Mom and Daddy were so protective.
She suspected they had tried to get Laila fired or to get the police involved once they learned how bad it had been. Liv didn't ask. She felt bad enough as it was.
Bottom line was that she had mentioned nothing about dating anyone to her family. A brief question to Grigor about Nika Roskov. That was it.
And now it was two months. She knew Nika's schedule was tight. And that there were rules. And they weren't a couple.
And she had no right.
But she was sad. And her paint just didnt flow. The colors didn't come to life the way they should have. And she just couldn't find it again.
She cleaned off the glass plate she used as a palette and washed her brushes and then laid down. Dinner would be done soon, from the smells downstairs. She lay on her bad and decided to doom scroll through her wallet.
After a while, she felt sleepy and put it down. At some point she was asleep. And then she heard a chime. She fumbled for her wallet and opened it up.
Her heart lept. It was Nika.
She was back. Liv was excited. And upset she was excited. She didn't want this again. Dependency. She would not let herself be owned again. She couldn't.
And yet the excitement was there all the same. She would be calm. And not a simpering weakling. She texted back. "OK. Let me know where we can meet."
She wasn't mad at Nika. And wasn't trying to be cold. But she was scared. Of Nika. And of her own feelings. And of her excitement at finally hearing from her.