Itching for a Fight

[Rachel Shale]

Fear. That's all that was there was fear. She could feel nothing else. All she could think about was Lucio and how much she needed him right now. Rachel hated it. She hated Lucio. She hated herself for falling for it. Elyse was a comfort, even if only a little one. Rachel wasn't sure how much time passed in her withdrawal spats, but she knew it usually lasted around a half hour.

Afterwards, she'd usually take a nap, but with Elyse here, she wanted to talk, and she knew it was going to hurt. She came back to the world, her pillow wet from tears. The fear was still there, and her lip trembled, but she was no longer shaking. "Elyse..." she said, tentatively as she sat up.

Elyse let her go and sat up next to her. "What is it?"

Rachel didn't look up, but she could hear the concern in Elyse's voice. "Elyse...I...I like you a lot, and I wish..." Rachel looked away and to the ground. Elyse put a hand on her shoulder. "I wish we could be more, but...I can't...it wouldn't be fair...I'm not going to get better..."

Elyse wrapped Rachel in a hug. "You will get better...you have been...a little at a time. You can do this."

The tears began to fall again as Rachel shook her head. "I'm tired of trying, Elyse. I'm tired of being scared all the time. I know you like me too...I just don't want you to get your hopes up. I hope you don't hate me and we can still be friends."

Elyse turned Rachel's head to face her. "Of course we'll still be friends. Always. If it never goes beyond that - that's okay. I just want you to get better. Dont' give up Rachel, I know it's hard."

Rachel returned the hug. The words were good to hear, even if she had trouble believing them. "I'll try, but it's so hard." Rachel released and got quiet.

"Do you need to say something else?"

Rachel bit her bottom lip. "Yes, but I don't know what...it's like...there's so much. I feel so stupid about all of this. I feel like I've failed everyone. Em's working from home now. Mara is hurting. Jared is trying so hard to keep everyone held together. And you...now I'm hurting you too. All because I was stupid. All because...I..."

"Hey... Elyse said and gave an encouraging smile. "You're seeing this because we all care about you. We want you to get better. No one is mad at you for this. You were hurting and someone took advantage of you. We believe you can get through this. I know it's been hard for you. Hard in a way I'm not sure any of us understand, but we're here for you."

Rachel laid back down and Elyse did too. "I just want to be quiet for awhile - will you stay with me?"

Elyse wrapped an arm around Rachel. "Of course - as long as you need me here."