05-28-2025, 11:37 AM
Nox watched the Jay leave the house. There was no hesitation until he got to the car, but he got in and left. There was a sharp pang of sadness and then anger and it was gone. It hurt, but he didn't feel it. Rejection always did.
There was a hollow pit at the bottom of Nox's stomach. It ached. His jaw clenched for no other reason than it should. His body remembered the feelings he was having that felt dull and gray and like nothing. They were still there, just unworthy of touching him, it was like being in a void floating in nothingness. He could see everything, but there was nothing to touch. The emptiness gnawed at him.
Lily suckled at her bottle curling her hand around his fingers and he focused on that. He focused on the tiny little human in his arms. This was why he lived. This was why he woke up every morning. This was why he didn't try to eat lead every morning. But it wasn't all that he wanted.
Nox jerkily rose from the rocking chair, his body still recovering from the kidnapping butchering of the Blackthorns. He hated himself even more. He'd killed not so innocent people out and out murder. He'd been sick and angry and they were all monsters, but still it gutted him and he felt none of it, but the hatred that remained. It was all there under the surface churning like a bat out of hell only to raise and make his stomach nauseous.
It was a short walk to his room where he took Lily and laid her safely on his bed while he put the vodka and the pills away. Sky had unlocked the safe again so he could. The soft click was the tell-tale sign of her ever watchful eye.
Nox crouched down and stared at the gun lying on the safe floor. He didn't move. Didn't reach for it but he stared. It would be easy to grab it. But it was never easy to do anything else. Not for this. Not to releive the pain. Nox looked over at Lily lying on his bed, the bottle propped up on a pillow as she watched him. Those beautiful brown eyes staring at him.
Nox shoved the bottle and pills back into their safe space and slammed the safe door shut with a very undersized click. Nox wanted it to slam shut with a loud noise that shook the house. He missed reaching into the earth and pulling at it's core. He hated this emptiness. He hated a world devoid of the most beautiful color.
But he made himself lie on the bed, curl around the baby who smiled through the bottle as he lay down next to her. A single tear rolled down his cheek and he grabbed his wallet. Nox stared at the screen remebering why he was in this state. He could scroll through the memories that had been restored to Jay's contact on the new wallet. But he didn't, he swiped it away and sent Hayden a text.
Stop by when you can
Everything alright?
No. But Lily's here with me.
I can come over now.
No. The morning is fine. I don't really want you here right now. I might take out my unfelt feelings on you. It's safer with Lily only.
Now I'm worried
I'm fine. Lily is here. She's got me. I promise.
Call me if you need me. Any time. Got it?
Yes, sir
There was a hollow pit at the bottom of Nox's stomach. It ached. His jaw clenched for no other reason than it should. His body remembered the feelings he was having that felt dull and gray and like nothing. They were still there, just unworthy of touching him, it was like being in a void floating in nothingness. He could see everything, but there was nothing to touch. The emptiness gnawed at him.
Lily suckled at her bottle curling her hand around his fingers and he focused on that. He focused on the tiny little human in his arms. This was why he lived. This was why he woke up every morning. This was why he didn't try to eat lead every morning. But it wasn't all that he wanted.
Nox jerkily rose from the rocking chair, his body still recovering from the kidnapping butchering of the Blackthorns. He hated himself even more. He'd killed not so innocent people out and out murder. He'd been sick and angry and they were all monsters, but still it gutted him and he felt none of it, but the hatred that remained. It was all there under the surface churning like a bat out of hell only to raise and make his stomach nauseous.
It was a short walk to his room where he took Lily and laid her safely on his bed while he put the vodka and the pills away. Sky had unlocked the safe again so he could. The soft click was the tell-tale sign of her ever watchful eye.
Nox crouched down and stared at the gun lying on the safe floor. He didn't move. Didn't reach for it but he stared. It would be easy to grab it. But it was never easy to do anything else. Not for this. Not to releive the pain. Nox looked over at Lily lying on his bed, the bottle propped up on a pillow as she watched him. Those beautiful brown eyes staring at him.
Nox shoved the bottle and pills back into their safe space and slammed the safe door shut with a very undersized click. Nox wanted it to slam shut with a loud noise that shook the house. He missed reaching into the earth and pulling at it's core. He hated this emptiness. He hated a world devoid of the most beautiful color.
But he made himself lie on the bed, curl around the baby who smiled through the bottle as he lay down next to her. A single tear rolled down his cheek and he grabbed his wallet. Nox stared at the screen remebering why he was in this state. He could scroll through the memories that had been restored to Jay's contact on the new wallet. But he didn't, he swiped it away and sent Hayden a text.
Stop by when you can
Everything alright?
No. But Lily's here with me.
I can come over now.
No. The morning is fine. I don't really want you here right now. I might take out my unfelt feelings on you. It's safer with Lily only.
Now I'm worried
I'm fine. Lily is here. She's got me. I promise.
Call me if you need me. Any time. Got it?
Yes, sir
![[Image: nox_sig.gif]](http://thefirstage.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/nox_sig.gif)