05-25-2025, 10:58 PM
Jay heard the words.
He heard them. Every last sorry. Every last scrape of regret.
But they didn’t land. They didn’t sink. They spun around him like smoke in a locked room. Impossible to breathe. Impossible to grab. He stood there while Nox bled apology after apology into the air like it could somehow soak the wound dry. But it only made something in Jay burn hotter.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
His breath fogged sharp through his nose, and before he could stop himself. Before he even knew he was going to do it, he spun. The movement was sudden. Aggressive. Like a knife in the dark. He closed the space between them in a single step. And when he stopped, he was close. Too close. The kind of distance where decisions stopped being made with words.
Nox would smell it in that instant. The chemical aroma of the drug curling behind Jay’s teeth, mixing with the taste of anger. His breath was hot between them. His jaw set so tight the muscles ticked at the corner.
“You’re sorry?” Jay spat the word like it had betrayed him. “Yeah. I fuckin’ hear you. Over and over. But what are you gonna do about it?” His voice had dropped to a growl.
A part of him. Small, cracked, trembling - wanted Nox to hit him. Just once. Just enough to give him something real to react to. Something he could hold on to. Something he knew how to handle. But another part.. deeper, messier.. wanted something else entirely.
His chest rose and fell like he’d been running. His hands twitched at his sides, not fists yet, but not safe either. He had no idea what he really wanted in that moment.
He wanted to hurt, or be hurt.
To punish, or be forgiven.
To smash something apart, or pull someone close enough to drown in them.
And looking at Nox. His quiet, hollow-eyed calm, the way he didn’t flinch. It only made it worse. Jay leaned in half an inch. His voice was sharp as metal. His tone tremoring just beneath the surface.
“You left me with a fuckin’ crater, Nox. I’m still crawling out of it.”
He heard them. Every last sorry. Every last scrape of regret.
But they didn’t land. They didn’t sink. They spun around him like smoke in a locked room. Impossible to breathe. Impossible to grab. He stood there while Nox bled apology after apology into the air like it could somehow soak the wound dry. But it only made something in Jay burn hotter.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
His breath fogged sharp through his nose, and before he could stop himself. Before he even knew he was going to do it, he spun. The movement was sudden. Aggressive. Like a knife in the dark. He closed the space between them in a single step. And when he stopped, he was close. Too close. The kind of distance where decisions stopped being made with words.
Nox would smell it in that instant. The chemical aroma of the drug curling behind Jay’s teeth, mixing with the taste of anger. His breath was hot between them. His jaw set so tight the muscles ticked at the corner.
“You’re sorry?” Jay spat the word like it had betrayed him. “Yeah. I fuckin’ hear you. Over and over. But what are you gonna do about it?” His voice had dropped to a growl.
A part of him. Small, cracked, trembling - wanted Nox to hit him. Just once. Just enough to give him something real to react to. Something he could hold on to. Something he knew how to handle. But another part.. deeper, messier.. wanted something else entirely.
His chest rose and fell like he’d been running. His hands twitched at his sides, not fists yet, but not safe either. He had no idea what he really wanted in that moment.
He wanted to hurt, or be hurt.
To punish, or be forgiven.
To smash something apart, or pull someone close enough to drown in them.
And looking at Nox. His quiet, hollow-eyed calm, the way he didn’t flinch. It only made it worse. Jay leaned in half an inch. His voice was sharp as metal. His tone tremoring just beneath the surface.
“You left me with a fuckin’ crater, Nox. I’m still crawling out of it.”
Only darkness shows you the light.