3 hours ago
The conversation swirled around him much like the whiskey that he swirled in the glass with every sip. The flavor was beginning to turn his stomach as memories floated straight out of the glass. Yet he drank deeply of both, hoping the spirit would numb the sensation climbing up his spine.
Around him, conversation flowed. A pretty blonde girl that Jay recognized from the ceremony joined them. Kiriena lit up like a bloom in sunshine at the arrival. The girls chatting, swapping concerns for their mutual welfare and appreciation for the revelry of the night. The joy flowed like a river of sparkling spirits from which everyone drank to drunkenness. Meanwhile, Jay swirled his cup, listening to the ice clink against the glass, and sipped.
Swirl—clink—sip.
Swirl—clink—sip.
Shots slid in his view. Tiny little slivers of alcohol, sparkling in the party light, promising escape. Numbness. The twin shots were devoured, disappearing inside the bodies of their devourers. Funny how shots did that. Swallowed up and disappeared as if they never existed. Bullets did the same, burying themselves deep in the tissues of their targets. The only evidence of their existence was the tunnels made through that flesh revolting at the intrusion with red drips weeping out.
Swirl—clink—sip.
He realized then that Jared had been speaking to him. Weddings and marriage. He’d been busy with the events of life. Things that were normal. Yet, as Jay finally broke his gaze from the old-fashioned glass, empty but for the remaining ice, wet and glistening as blood, something quite haunted met Jared’s.
The feeling that was climbing his spine these past few minutes finally struck like an icepick into the base of his brain. He looked around, bewildered at the sight of all these people, dancing and celebrating, drinking and eating as if everything in the world was normal when it was completely and utterly not.
“I can’t do this.” The admission broke through chapped lips. The escape promised by the alcohol didn’t arrive; it brought only nausea and horror.
He shook his head and hurried away from the laughter and toasting. He hurried as fast as he could, bumping blindly into shoulders as he plunged through the guests.
A blast of cold air met his face as he emptied himself outside followed quickly by emptying his stomach. His heart was racing as he slid down the brick wall, all but collapsing into the dirt of some garden bed dormant for the winter. He wanted to shake and cry as fiercely as he wanted to punch the brick wall until his knuckles were crushed to dust.
Yet he did nothing of the sort. He just sat there, staring forward, attempting to pretend that everything he saw wasn’t real: jungle vines, concrete blocks and car batteries, a dead sister, mother, father. Even himself. The sensation of wanting to die was as strong as the memory of actually dying. In the school after shooting that girl, he slid down a wall just like this, thinking that lying down for even a few minutes would help. That all he needed was to close his eyes and rest and everything would be okay.
He laid his head across his knees, wishing that it had actually happened when a noise broke the silence of his world.
It was his Wallet, and a message from Natalie that read only a cryptic question. He hadn’t heard it over the noise of the reception, and the time stamp indicated it had been sent over an hour ago.
He replied, but had no idea what he was choosing. The color reminded him of the jungle, and at the moment, he could not fathom the existence of something as soothing as blue.
Around him, conversation flowed. A pretty blonde girl that Jay recognized from the ceremony joined them. Kiriena lit up like a bloom in sunshine at the arrival. The girls chatting, swapping concerns for their mutual welfare and appreciation for the revelry of the night. The joy flowed like a river of sparkling spirits from which everyone drank to drunkenness. Meanwhile, Jay swirled his cup, listening to the ice clink against the glass, and sipped.
Swirl—clink—sip.
Swirl—clink—sip.
Shots slid in his view. Tiny little slivers of alcohol, sparkling in the party light, promising escape. Numbness. The twin shots were devoured, disappearing inside the bodies of their devourers. Funny how shots did that. Swallowed up and disappeared as if they never existed. Bullets did the same, burying themselves deep in the tissues of their targets. The only evidence of their existence was the tunnels made through that flesh revolting at the intrusion with red drips weeping out.
Swirl—clink—sip.
He realized then that Jared had been speaking to him. Weddings and marriage. He’d been busy with the events of life. Things that were normal. Yet, as Jay finally broke his gaze from the old-fashioned glass, empty but for the remaining ice, wet and glistening as blood, something quite haunted met Jared’s.
The feeling that was climbing his spine these past few minutes finally struck like an icepick into the base of his brain. He looked around, bewildered at the sight of all these people, dancing and celebrating, drinking and eating as if everything in the world was normal when it was completely and utterly not.
“I can’t do this.” The admission broke through chapped lips. The escape promised by the alcohol didn’t arrive; it brought only nausea and horror.
He shook his head and hurried away from the laughter and toasting. He hurried as fast as he could, bumping blindly into shoulders as he plunged through the guests.
A blast of cold air met his face as he emptied himself outside followed quickly by emptying his stomach. His heart was racing as he slid down the brick wall, all but collapsing into the dirt of some garden bed dormant for the winter. He wanted to shake and cry as fiercely as he wanted to punch the brick wall until his knuckles were crushed to dust.
Yet he did nothing of the sort. He just sat there, staring forward, attempting to pretend that everything he saw wasn’t real: jungle vines, concrete blocks and car batteries, a dead sister, mother, father. Even himself. The sensation of wanting to die was as strong as the memory of actually dying. In the school after shooting that girl, he slid down a wall just like this, thinking that lying down for even a few minutes would help. That all he needed was to close his eyes and rest and everything would be okay.
He laid his head across his knees, wishing that it had actually happened when a noise broke the silence of his world.
It was his Wallet, and a message from Natalie that read only a cryptic question. He hadn’t heard it over the noise of the reception, and the time stamp indicated it had been sent over an hour ago.
Natalie Wrote:“Blue or green?”
Jay Wrote:“Green”
He replied, but had no idea what he was choosing. The color reminded him of the jungle, and at the moment, he could not fathom the existence of something as soothing as blue.
Only darkness shows you the light.