Consorting with Enemies

[Jay Carpenter]

Jai

“I know. That’s why I took you to it.” He couldn’t hide the proud flicker threatening the seriousness of his composure. He’d unearthed the secret of a first-timer and was damn smug about it too. Seeing if she was up for a dip in the water was the motivation he told himself, but standing on that balcony, he all too well remembered the possibilities tempting them both to shadows and seclusion. Saidin built the path, but what he really wanted was to be the one to give the gift of the sea to her. Stealing kisses, or more, was only an undeniable perk.

He rubbed his face, but the gesture was a flimsy shield to hold back the tide of that night’s many memories. It was sheer torture; pulling at laces of a gown now abandoned on the floor while holding the level of his gaze high. He noticed that she did the same to an ever-closing knot tightening in his chest; no teases, no testing the last shreds of his honor. Because if she had, he wouldn’t be able to resist a third time. Light. It was torture.

Not going to lie, her solution to present problems was already given ample consideration. Drinking away the rest of the night’s troubles was a sound plan, but wine was a weak weapon against the war waging in his head. Plus he’d sworn off alcohol for at least another six months following a lesson that definitely sank in. Suppose learning lessons the hard way was a common trait they shared, but come to think of it, Nythadri boasted how often she’d ‘been told’ she couldn’t handle her drink. It was a defense she used all the way back during the Hunt itself, though he assumed it had to do with her rank at the time than a bad experience. But maybe she once learned that lesson just as firmly as Jai. He wondered, but for all the curiosity, he’d never ask.

Small consolation, but at least she left the obvious unsaid. He assumed she recognized madness when she saw it. She probably came to the Tower after the cleansing of the taint, but he didn’t really know. The only insight into her age that he knew for certain was the long five years that once tempted her to his arms. But she was Aes Sedai; and he knew that she knew. It’s not like it was a big secret, though. Still, there was nothing that could be said, and he was silently grateful they let that particular ghost go undisturbed.

When she repeated his own words back to him, he looked at her with the same accusation that said he knew something too. But it wasn’t the kind of insight that usually sent him running. In fact, he wanted to give her the key to the rest of what was locked up in his head and tell her to root around to her heart’s content. It was the sort of invitation that suddenly sparked a very strange daydream absolutely out of no where. What it would be like to introduce Nythadri to his parents? Well, Nythadri Sedai, he reminded himself. Valoni were always eager to serve Aes Sedai. It was an honor that went back three thousand years. They’d probably gasp and fawn all over her, and wonder what in the light their youngest son was doing in such lofty company. Of course, he never could, and he sighed in acceptance. Releasing the daydream for the same reason he never dwelled on ribbons and vows and cradles. It was a path he dared not explore further for a hundred different reasons, but still, he wondered.

For that same reason, he knew he had to climb out of the water. So he did.

Jai wasn’t bashful. Definitely not modest.  He swam in not but his bare skin the night they first met after all so it wasn’t like she hadn’t seen (or felt) as much before. But he was careful to not look back while he wrapped towels around himself. It was with very distracted dabbling that he dried the water streaking down his back in an effort to avoid the hazard of puddles on the floor, but he might have modeled a little longer than was necessary just to show off what she was missing. Soon enough he was decently covered and moved away. Despite the warmth of a southern nation wrapping the room, his skin chilled during those strung-along seconds until he was dry, and crossed toward the fireplace. She could probably tell the moment he channeled even with his face turned. Yet from darkness, he summoned flows of the One Power to flare the hearth to life with only the barest movements; Fire was always the easiest to wield. Light knew it came naturally, but for all the bad memories those flows burned, hopefully it would bring Nythadri comfort when she was ready.

It was then that light gleamed on nearby gold, but of the three objects laid to rest there, his hand hovered unsure of which one he was going to touch first. He grazed the head of her serpent ring before thinking better of himself, and in the end, he let them rest undisturbed. A small peace, he supposed. He’d wear the pins again soon enough. He always did; always would.

He needed the time to steady himself. Not just over the throes of madness lurching around his brain like a boat on rough waters, but because strength and honor were worn as thin as they could go. To bolster the cause he set for himself, Jai forced himself to remember. To retrace the painful paths washed with fresh blood and watch fate wrenched from his hands. As much as he wished for another way, all roads led to one end. He knew it the moment he first saw Nythadri in that hall. When hand brushed his heart and he bowed with enough formality to make his ancestors proud, he hadn’t apologized over being startled when a regular guy was captured by the most piercing gaze he had ever seen. Though those ropes certainly snugged tight in his chest. It was because he knew there would be no end but this. He’d fight for the Light until the end of his days, but it would always end in blood; if not now, then in the Last Battle itself. When he decided on the Blight, it wasn’t to scorch vines and slaughter nightmare spiders. It was to confront the cowards that hid behind the border. He intended to go down fighting; as he was always destined to do. As he was willing to do.

Resolve strengthened, he turned, able to look upon her face with the will to remember that path. More, he accepted it.

“What other way is there to go, Nythadri?” He shook his head, not liking how that came out. “What I mean is, I did this. I know it wasn’t my fault, but I did it just the same, so I will take responsibility. And I’ll deal with it.” His gaze was determined. Jaw set.

Ready.

And that was okay.