06-18-2023, 04:03 PM
She was quiet. Her gaze did not search the stranger, but fled inwards to examine the depths of her own self. Something flared dark at the offer; the same resistance she had experienced when Kiyohito pushed the money across the bar.
“Six years,” she said. “And only the second time I have touched it. Better to kill me and have done, sister. You ask me to become a monster. And yet to my shame, I wish to live.”
She considered that it might yet be a trap. Trust did not come smoothly, but there was something else too, like stirred dust in the bottom of her heart. When Kiyohito refused her offer of aid, it had burned surprisingly sharp for all that she accepted his will with demurity. Kōta’s amusement in her had not been unfounded, only misplaced. It was purpose that drew her, and fear that cut the line the moment she recalled what she was. She knew what a god might be capable of. At the time she had felt relief to be free of the quandary, yet it had left her unmoored in a place far from the anonymity she favoured.
Live, her brother urged her. This was not even close to what he meant. He spoke of happiness, not of duty. But the first was for dreamers and the innocent, of which she was neither. Eido lived for Kōta, and sometimes that was all, though she had never admitted as much to him. She was not sure the stranger could possibly understand, even if Eido had words capable of expressing it. It was not protection she desired. She did not deserve to be free.
What she did not know, and what gave her the longest pause, was to wonder if the woman beside her was a temptress or a saviour.
“I have my own condition,” she said eventually. “I have never hurt anyone with it. I have avoided every situation I thought might bring the curse out in me again, even as it meant breaking my vows and laying down my arms. I do not know what a god’s power will make of me, or if I will be able to control it. If it corrupts me, you must promise to do what I have not. Promise me that, senpai, and I am yours as you will it.”
“Six years,” she said. “And only the second time I have touched it. Better to kill me and have done, sister. You ask me to become a monster. And yet to my shame, I wish to live.”
She considered that it might yet be a trap. Trust did not come smoothly, but there was something else too, like stirred dust in the bottom of her heart. When Kiyohito refused her offer of aid, it had burned surprisingly sharp for all that she accepted his will with demurity. Kōta’s amusement in her had not been unfounded, only misplaced. It was purpose that drew her, and fear that cut the line the moment she recalled what she was. She knew what a god might be capable of. At the time she had felt relief to be free of the quandary, yet it had left her unmoored in a place far from the anonymity she favoured.
Live, her brother urged her. This was not even close to what he meant. He spoke of happiness, not of duty. But the first was for dreamers and the innocent, of which she was neither. Eido lived for Kōta, and sometimes that was all, though she had never admitted as much to him. She was not sure the stranger could possibly understand, even if Eido had words capable of expressing it. It was not protection she desired. She did not deserve to be free.
What she did not know, and what gave her the longest pause, was to wonder if the woman beside her was a temptress or a saviour.
“I have my own condition,” she said eventually. “I have never hurt anyone with it. I have avoided every situation I thought might bring the curse out in me again, even as it meant breaking my vows and laying down my arms. I do not know what a god’s power will make of me, or if I will be able to control it. If it corrupts me, you must promise to do what I have not. Promise me that, senpai, and I am yours as you will it.”
![[Image: cherry-blosson.png]](http://thefirstage.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/cherry-blosson.png)