07-12-2019, 10:56 PM
Lying on the 30 degree angled bench, arms out, muscles corded and straining with 110 pounds dumbbells in each hand, sweat trickling down the side of his face, Ivan concentrated. Slowly he lowered them until his upper arm was on the same plane as his torso, arms iron hard as they came to a stop. Then, carefully, methodically, he pushed back up in a sweeping motion, straightening his arms as he pressed up, bringing the weights together, focusing on his upper chest, trying to feel the fibers contract tightly, holding it, feeling them bunch. Lower, hold, raise, focus. Lower, hold, raise, focus. He could lose himself in the work as he visualized every movement, enjoying the burn and the strain, the thundering pounding of his heart, could feel the blood flowing, the hold and burst of inhale and exhale.
Working out was how Ivan cleared his mind. It was probably similar to when people meditated. Even though he wasn't consciously thinking about his problems, somehow the workout would sometimes leave him with answers. And even if not, it gave him something productive he could do. Something he could control.
An hour later, he headed home, showered and then ate- a simple chicken stew mixed with sour cream and rice and a big glass of milk. Post workout nutrition was important, otherwise what he done would be wasted. The body had to repair itself. And he was fucking famished. Despite the morning- Dorian- he felt better. He was in a peaceful place as he rinsed his dishes and put them away. He thought about going to Danya and Zara's but Nox's warnings rang in his ears. If they weren't already on Yun's radar, visiting them without care would do it soon.
Instead, he video called them and they talked, Zara's little face filling the holo-screen, gap toothed smile- she'd just lost her first- making him laugh. She was sitting in Danya's lap, obscuring part of her mother's face, but Ivan could see the twinkle of a smile in her eyes. Danya had been teaching her to read and Ivan listened, heart warm, as she struggled to work her way through "The Little Sea Lion". He and Danya didn't say much, tonight. This was enough. Later, when Zara was asleep he might call her, maybe explain the situation he was in- that they- were in. But something about doing that bothered him. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have over the phone.
He did call, later, but mostly to talk about Zara. He was sure she knew he was holding something back. But she didn't press him. More and more, he wanted to tell her he loved her. He was being pulled, as sure as gravity pulled the weights that had been in his hands. But saying it- putting it out there- scared him. Part of him knew she had to be feeling this too. There was no way she was saying and doing things the way she did- treated him the way she treated him- without feeling it too. Intellectually, he knew this.
But insecurity was never based in logic. It grew from fear. From uncertainty. He knew she wasn't playing him. But perhaps she didn't know her own heart. And for him to say it- to try to define this thing between them- could pop this bubble that currently surrounded him like a warm blanket in a soft bed in a cold room. He wasn't sure he was ready to find out the reality. Not yet.
"Take care, Danya," he said softly, his voice earnest with unspoken love.
"You too, Ivan." And in her quiet voice he thought he heard the same tenderness.
That night Ivan slept hard, his mind no longer plaguing him with endless churning that had usually required a drink before he could drift off.
The next morning, he was up before dawn. Not his favorite, no sir. He hated getting up before the sun was out. But Nox and Lih would be there and waiting for him. And he had a job to do. Only....which one was it? Yun didn't want the missing scientist found. The text had led to an envelop, single sentence on a piece of paper, her spidery signature sharp and unflinching. And yet they were headed down to fight whatever was down there that threatened the surface. And also to find that scientist.
Ivan's stomach churned as he tried to eat. He knew he would need his strength, but he didn't feel hungry. Removing footage or something from evidence was one thing. Quick and momentary. This was something altogether different. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to keep them from finding this man. Dorian had shot him in the head. But the body was missing and there were no fragments. So if they found it, what was Ivan supposed to do? Burn it up?
The man could channel and was turning into those creatures. Ivan had seen how hard they died. Maybe he was still alive. How was he supposed to do this? Because he knew he would do what he was told to do. At least for now. Until he figured a way out.
Still, it didn't make the queasy feeling go away.
When he parked his car, he sat there for a moment. Finally, "Gotta do what you gotta do, Ivan," and he got out. His side piece was there, of course. He also had a small container of quarter inch diameter iron ball bearings. He'd thought about what Nox had said.
His feet crunched as he walked up to Nox and Lih. Nox had an ammo bag that seemed be filled with stuff, while Lih had a crossbow and some bolts. He breathed and forced a smile. "I guess it's time to party."
Working out was how Ivan cleared his mind. It was probably similar to when people meditated. Even though he wasn't consciously thinking about his problems, somehow the workout would sometimes leave him with answers. And even if not, it gave him something productive he could do. Something he could control.
An hour later, he headed home, showered and then ate- a simple chicken stew mixed with sour cream and rice and a big glass of milk. Post workout nutrition was important, otherwise what he done would be wasted. The body had to repair itself. And he was fucking famished. Despite the morning- Dorian- he felt better. He was in a peaceful place as he rinsed his dishes and put them away. He thought about going to Danya and Zara's but Nox's warnings rang in his ears. If they weren't already on Yun's radar, visiting them without care would do it soon.
Instead, he video called them and they talked, Zara's little face filling the holo-screen, gap toothed smile- she'd just lost her first- making him laugh. She was sitting in Danya's lap, obscuring part of her mother's face, but Ivan could see the twinkle of a smile in her eyes. Danya had been teaching her to read and Ivan listened, heart warm, as she struggled to work her way through "The Little Sea Lion". He and Danya didn't say much, tonight. This was enough. Later, when Zara was asleep he might call her, maybe explain the situation he was in- that they- were in. But something about doing that bothered him. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have over the phone.
He did call, later, but mostly to talk about Zara. He was sure she knew he was holding something back. But she didn't press him. More and more, he wanted to tell her he loved her. He was being pulled, as sure as gravity pulled the weights that had been in his hands. But saying it- putting it out there- scared him. Part of him knew she had to be feeling this too. There was no way she was saying and doing things the way she did- treated him the way she treated him- without feeling it too. Intellectually, he knew this.
But insecurity was never based in logic. It grew from fear. From uncertainty. He knew she wasn't playing him. But perhaps she didn't know her own heart. And for him to say it- to try to define this thing between them- could pop this bubble that currently surrounded him like a warm blanket in a soft bed in a cold room. He wasn't sure he was ready to find out the reality. Not yet.
"Take care, Danya," he said softly, his voice earnest with unspoken love.
"You too, Ivan." And in her quiet voice he thought he heard the same tenderness.
That night Ivan slept hard, his mind no longer plaguing him with endless churning that had usually required a drink before he could drift off.
The next morning, he was up before dawn. Not his favorite, no sir. He hated getting up before the sun was out. But Nox and Lih would be there and waiting for him. And he had a job to do. Only....which one was it? Yun didn't want the missing scientist found. The text had led to an envelop, single sentence on a piece of paper, her spidery signature sharp and unflinching. And yet they were headed down to fight whatever was down there that threatened the surface. And also to find that scientist.
Ivan's stomach churned as he tried to eat. He knew he would need his strength, but he didn't feel hungry. Removing footage or something from evidence was one thing. Quick and momentary. This was something altogether different. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to keep them from finding this man. Dorian had shot him in the head. But the body was missing and there were no fragments. So if they found it, what was Ivan supposed to do? Burn it up?
The man could channel and was turning into those creatures. Ivan had seen how hard they died. Maybe he was still alive. How was he supposed to do this? Because he knew he would do what he was told to do. At least for now. Until he figured a way out.
Still, it didn't make the queasy feeling go away.
When he parked his car, he sat there for a moment. Finally, "Gotta do what you gotta do, Ivan," and he got out. His side piece was there, of course. He also had a small container of quarter inch diameter iron ball bearings. He'd thought about what Nox had said.
His feet crunched as he walked up to Nox and Lih. Nox had an ammo bag that seemed be filled with stuff, while Lih had a crossbow and some bolts. He breathed and forced a smile. "I guess it's time to party."