05-04-2019, 08:39 PM
Nythadri only had a moment to register (and wonder at) his surprise, to begin smiling at the way it finally finally broke relief like sunrise into his expression. She mirrored the relief, felt a knot loosen in her chest and at last unravel; a knot which had been there since she’d opened her door to the yawning abyss in his gaze and first felt the fear that, try as she might to piece him back together, what if in the end one piece was missing? But that grin, light that bloody grin; tired and fraying at the edges as it was, it soothed her with enough hope to belie the cynic she claimed to be. Whatever damage had been done, it could not be irrevocable. She was so tied to the rush of those thoughts, like a tentative balm on the angry wound of her guilt, that she missed Jai moving closer. Now surprise lit her eyes; surprise and captivation.
His hand cupped hers, following the sudden shivers travelling up her arm and igniting a blush of warmth that made her forget he was not supposed to be here, so that she was smiling around his kisses; forgetting too that every little slip into this moment was going to make goodbye that much more difficult. Light, forgetting most of all how she’d vowed not to let a man get this close for that same reason. The press of him was so soft, the firm, gentle intention of every touch like his hands had only ever been meant for her. Fatigue was creeping around the edges of sense, fuelling the tender glow of desire, and she let the locks on discipline fall free as easily as yielding to saidar, barely thinking as she relinquished that control to him. Her hand snaked into his jacket as she kissed him back, leaning in if only a little; instinctively in sync. Her fingers caressed their way up to lightly stroke the back of his neck, smiling every time he released her lips. Like a light-forsaken fool, probably, but she was too absorbed to care.
Exhaustion won out in the end, but it was a natural tranquillity; probably the first time one had not had to restrain themselves from the other with damning thoughts of what the consequences would be. Her fingers ran idle circles through the short strands of his hair, or smoothed it back, or just lay soft and still when she rocked on the edges of falling asleep. The faint pop and crackle of the saidin-wrought fire lulled her – he’d done that for her, she realised, which made her feel warmer than the flames – but moreso did his peace. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him so at ease; she’d grown so used to watching the continuous ebb and flow of frustration and resolution in him, always punctuated by tense gestures. Scrubbing his hair. Tugging his sleeves. Frowning. The hush was gratifying, not just to see but to share. It wasn’t so often Nythadri came across such peace either.
Though she was trying desperately not to be, she was half-asleep when his hoarse voice broke the silence. She listened, but said nothing. At the end her chest tightened a little, and she leaned in, cupping his face in soft and protective instinct, her hair falling like a thick curtain of night to coil on her knees. She assumed to find his brow creased with the conclusion of that thought, but he was asleep. Completely and blissfully, this fearsome blade of the Dragon, his face now smooth and his breathing deep and even; it made her smile. She’d expected an Asha’man’s sleep to be something lighter, but probably he’d worked himself to the farthest reaches of his body’s sustainability. Given the incomparable endurance gifted a channeler that was saying something. How long since he’d last let himself sleep? She leaned back, resting her head, trying to think through thoughts too hazy for coherency. The room was warm and she was content. Light, it’d been such a long time since she’d felt this peaceful. This happy, truth told, although she was wary of the word – or, at least of the crash and fall that so often followed it. Her eyes wanted to close but she wouldn’t let them. If she overslept – if they both overslept – there was the danger of being caught with Jai here, which concerned her less than it should considering the consequences. She might also wake to find him gone.
She sat there long past the point her legs grew numb and her shoulders ached from their angle against the headboard. In the end she only moved at all because if he spent all night resting in her lap he was going to wake up with the stiffest of necks, though probably he would wake aching anyway, if not from the fighting then from the angle he was laying on her bed. It was not unheard of for two Accepted to nestle together for comfort amongst other things, but these beds were built narrow and for the height of a woman; better than those furnishing novice bedrooms, but hardly the peak of comfort. Though on reflection, he’d probably slept in worse places. She disentangled herself slowly, careful not to wake him, and placed his head back down gently. It felt negligent to leave him uncovered, but the blankets were probably still damp and she would not use saidar to dry them now for the same reason she had not used it to dry Jai’s clothes in the first place. Anyone close enough to feel that glow of power at this time of night from the Accepted Tower might feel obliged to investigate further; no point inviting trouble.
It was still dark and quiet and she had no idea what time it was. Bereft of ideas to keep herself awake, she sat by the fire and stared for a while. Until her eyelids weighted too heavy, the heat hot and drowsy on her face. She yawned into the back of her hand. There were enough ashes to bank the coals, which would make it easier to light in the morning. The Power would accomplish flame even if it went out altogether, of course, but habit and teaching always saw her do it by hand. The small room darkened as the flames were slowly and methodically smothered – the two candles had burned out long ago – until finally only glowing red embers marred the pitch black, and even that grew dim. She replaced the guard and stayed by the dying heat of the hearth, thinking. Jai’s admission about Andreu, frustratingly uncertain as it had been, mollified her somewhat. She yawned again, into both hands this time, hugged her knees up and leaned her forehead on them. Still, he should have thought of the Tower before he admitted so something so stupid. Her family would be grateful to receive the money so soon, though they might wonder at her change of mind. She couldn’t explain that it wasn’t Winther’s coin, but she could reassure them the Aes Sedai watched over their welfare. It was sort of true. And maybe it would remind her father to be sensible with his second chance at fortune.
Her body was growing light. Ironic, all the nights ceaseless thought chased sleep to the furthest corners of possibility, and the one time she would be glad for it her senses misted a pleasant blanket of quietude. She leaned her chin in her fist, glared blearily into the darkness, irritated with her own inability to fight it off. Her iron will eroded a little at a time, hastened by the low sound of Jai's relaxed breathing. Foolish to even consider curling up next to him. Five years bound to the Tower and I've never overslept. Foolish, and she knew it, but she let the arrogance convince her anyway. She wouldn't oversleep, and he wouldn't leave before she woke. And if he did? Now she’d tamed the flames they wouldn’t accidentally burn to death, and if she was going to fall asleep she wasn’t going to do it on the floor. Even without light to guide her she could navigate her way. She climbed over Jai carefully and sank into the scant space between him and the wall. Hardly space for two but she didn't care, she was asleep almost before her head buried in her arms.
His hand cupped hers, following the sudden shivers travelling up her arm and igniting a blush of warmth that made her forget he was not supposed to be here, so that she was smiling around his kisses; forgetting too that every little slip into this moment was going to make goodbye that much more difficult. Light, forgetting most of all how she’d vowed not to let a man get this close for that same reason. The press of him was so soft, the firm, gentle intention of every touch like his hands had only ever been meant for her. Fatigue was creeping around the edges of sense, fuelling the tender glow of desire, and she let the locks on discipline fall free as easily as yielding to saidar, barely thinking as she relinquished that control to him. Her hand snaked into his jacket as she kissed him back, leaning in if only a little; instinctively in sync. Her fingers caressed their way up to lightly stroke the back of his neck, smiling every time he released her lips. Like a light-forsaken fool, probably, but she was too absorbed to care.
Exhaustion won out in the end, but it was a natural tranquillity; probably the first time one had not had to restrain themselves from the other with damning thoughts of what the consequences would be. Her fingers ran idle circles through the short strands of his hair, or smoothed it back, or just lay soft and still when she rocked on the edges of falling asleep. The faint pop and crackle of the saidin-wrought fire lulled her – he’d done that for her, she realised, which made her feel warmer than the flames – but moreso did his peace. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him so at ease; she’d grown so used to watching the continuous ebb and flow of frustration and resolution in him, always punctuated by tense gestures. Scrubbing his hair. Tugging his sleeves. Frowning. The hush was gratifying, not just to see but to share. It wasn’t so often Nythadri came across such peace either.
Though she was trying desperately not to be, she was half-asleep when his hoarse voice broke the silence. She listened, but said nothing. At the end her chest tightened a little, and she leaned in, cupping his face in soft and protective instinct, her hair falling like a thick curtain of night to coil on her knees. She assumed to find his brow creased with the conclusion of that thought, but he was asleep. Completely and blissfully, this fearsome blade of the Dragon, his face now smooth and his breathing deep and even; it made her smile. She’d expected an Asha’man’s sleep to be something lighter, but probably he’d worked himself to the farthest reaches of his body’s sustainability. Given the incomparable endurance gifted a channeler that was saying something. How long since he’d last let himself sleep? She leaned back, resting her head, trying to think through thoughts too hazy for coherency. The room was warm and she was content. Light, it’d been such a long time since she’d felt this peaceful. This happy, truth told, although she was wary of the word – or, at least of the crash and fall that so often followed it. Her eyes wanted to close but she wouldn’t let them. If she overslept – if they both overslept – there was the danger of being caught with Jai here, which concerned her less than it should considering the consequences. She might also wake to find him gone.
She sat there long past the point her legs grew numb and her shoulders ached from their angle against the headboard. In the end she only moved at all because if he spent all night resting in her lap he was going to wake up with the stiffest of necks, though probably he would wake aching anyway, if not from the fighting then from the angle he was laying on her bed. It was not unheard of for two Accepted to nestle together for comfort amongst other things, but these beds were built narrow and for the height of a woman; better than those furnishing novice bedrooms, but hardly the peak of comfort. Though on reflection, he’d probably slept in worse places. She disentangled herself slowly, careful not to wake him, and placed his head back down gently. It felt negligent to leave him uncovered, but the blankets were probably still damp and she would not use saidar to dry them now for the same reason she had not used it to dry Jai’s clothes in the first place. Anyone close enough to feel that glow of power at this time of night from the Accepted Tower might feel obliged to investigate further; no point inviting trouble.
It was still dark and quiet and she had no idea what time it was. Bereft of ideas to keep herself awake, she sat by the fire and stared for a while. Until her eyelids weighted too heavy, the heat hot and drowsy on her face. She yawned into the back of her hand. There were enough ashes to bank the coals, which would make it easier to light in the morning. The Power would accomplish flame even if it went out altogether, of course, but habit and teaching always saw her do it by hand. The small room darkened as the flames were slowly and methodically smothered – the two candles had burned out long ago – until finally only glowing red embers marred the pitch black, and even that grew dim. She replaced the guard and stayed by the dying heat of the hearth, thinking. Jai’s admission about Andreu, frustratingly uncertain as it had been, mollified her somewhat. She yawned again, into both hands this time, hugged her knees up and leaned her forehead on them. Still, he should have thought of the Tower before he admitted so something so stupid. Her family would be grateful to receive the money so soon, though they might wonder at her change of mind. She couldn’t explain that it wasn’t Winther’s coin, but she could reassure them the Aes Sedai watched over their welfare. It was sort of true. And maybe it would remind her father to be sensible with his second chance at fortune.
Her body was growing light. Ironic, all the nights ceaseless thought chased sleep to the furthest corners of possibility, and the one time she would be glad for it her senses misted a pleasant blanket of quietude. She leaned her chin in her fist, glared blearily into the darkness, irritated with her own inability to fight it off. Her iron will eroded a little at a time, hastened by the low sound of Jai's relaxed breathing. Foolish to even consider curling up next to him. Five years bound to the Tower and I've never overslept. Foolish, and she knew it, but she let the arrogance convince her anyway. She wouldn't oversleep, and he wouldn't leave before she woke. And if he did? Now she’d tamed the flames they wouldn’t accidentally burn to death, and if she was going to fall asleep she wasn’t going to do it on the floor. Even without light to guide her she could navigate her way. She climbed over Jai carefully and sank into the scant space between him and the wall. Hardly space for two but she didn't care, she was asleep almost before her head buried in her arms.