Jacinda looked at Rune- really looked at her. Red eyes. Fierce determination. Hunger. She was desperate to believe. She needed it. Fuck! Seth had been her foundation.
It was too familiar. Jacinda felt something crumbling. Mirror much?
But Rune hadn't had to watch and listen to Seth burn to death, somehow believing it was the right thing. Knowing it was right.
No. Seth was as good a man as they came. Strong. Honest. Fearless. Arrogant. Funny. In another time and place, Jacinda might have been happy to have been a team with him. And, damn, but Rune would have been awesome to be with. A badass chick like all these others.
There were no oddities in Seth. Nothing recognizable to her. Rune didn't carry that shadowed look, the careful assessment of mood; the need to guard her words; the underlying fear Jacinda had seen everyday growing up. As if looking at reality through warped or bubbled glass.
You know what she remembered? Julie walking with her dad back to their hotel room, there at the end. No fear. No worry about secrets. Pure freedom of a daughter safe with her dad. Trust. A distant memory for Jacinda, but she knew it all the same.
It had been the thing that told her she had been right. Her instincts were right. As painful as it was, Regan needed to die.
That was Seth and Rune.
And something, the last vestige of protection, the last shred of wall finally shattered in Jacinda's mind. The contrast. Regan. Seth. Night. Day. Because try as she wanted, Jacinda wouldn't save Regan. The reality she hid from herself all those years. A reality she had still hidden even up to and including until now.
How very fucking fucked up he had been. The walls that allowed for cognitive dissonance shattered and broken, allowing her finally to see the reality. And rage and anger threatened to consume her.
But Rune looked at her, dashing away tears, trying to put on a brave face. Not now. Rune needed her. Now.
Rune wanted her father back. Nevermind he was her uncle. She wanted her father back. And Jacinda was buffeted by a storm of emotion, realizing that she had wanted Regan back for familiarity; for direction; for someone to be in charge; for comfort; out of fear of the unknown.
Laughable, now that she saw it. She had stepped off the cliff alone into the world at 20 and had survived. Thrived. She was a million times a better hunter than he ever was. She had done things he'd never imagined. She remembered now. It made her laugh. All the easy kills. The slow drawn out deaths. The old rougs and dreyken nests.
Fucker was all about control and power. He was a joke.
Just like he couldn't get a woman. He needed a child to groom and control. To abuse and manipulate. Her. A twelve year old girl. Twelve. Years. Old. Hatred and anger hit her like a wave.
And a lifetime of contempt whirled through her, seeing things clearly, finally, after all these years. Sand scoured her insides, as if to strip her away. And Jacinda said no. Fuck no. Not now. Not ever. She hadn't done anything wrong. Not a goddamn fucking thing.
And everything flipped. He screamed and it brought a smile. He sang those screams, singing screams. Each one a payment she placed in her soul. In her mind, it was an eternity. And that was good with her. Those screams as he burned that night finally fell silent. But only after she laughed at how appropriate it was for him. Burn, bitch. A perverse pleasure stole through her at the memory of his wails.
As fucked up as she was, he was a million times worse.
But not Seth. Only a good man could tear at Rune like Seth's going missing did.
She put out her hand carefully- she had realized Rune shied from contact, but she wanted it to be clear- onto her shoulder. Her voice came from somewhere calm and at peace. Odd. She didn't feel peace. And yet, she felt whole. Finally. "You listen to me, Rune. We're going to go and try to find him. Together. I promise you. I won't give up on him." She smiled fiercely, showing the bravest face she knew. Seth was resiliant and strong. But he was mortal. Still, Jacinda wouldn't stop. Not for Seth. And not for Rune.
And not for Julie or Jacinda. Good people were worth going after.
It was too familiar. Jacinda felt something crumbling. Mirror much?
But Rune hadn't had to watch and listen to Seth burn to death, somehow believing it was the right thing. Knowing it was right.
No. Seth was as good a man as they came. Strong. Honest. Fearless. Arrogant. Funny. In another time and place, Jacinda might have been happy to have been a team with him. And, damn, but Rune would have been awesome to be with. A badass chick like all these others.
There were no oddities in Seth. Nothing recognizable to her. Rune didn't carry that shadowed look, the careful assessment of mood; the need to guard her words; the underlying fear Jacinda had seen everyday growing up. As if looking at reality through warped or bubbled glass.
You know what she remembered? Julie walking with her dad back to their hotel room, there at the end. No fear. No worry about secrets. Pure freedom of a daughter safe with her dad. Trust. A distant memory for Jacinda, but she knew it all the same.
It had been the thing that told her she had been right. Her instincts were right. As painful as it was, Regan needed to die.
That was Seth and Rune.
And something, the last vestige of protection, the last shred of wall finally shattered in Jacinda's mind. The contrast. Regan. Seth. Night. Day. Because try as she wanted, Jacinda wouldn't save Regan. The reality she hid from herself all those years. A reality she had still hidden even up to and including until now.
How very fucking fucked up he had been. The walls that allowed for cognitive dissonance shattered and broken, allowing her finally to see the reality. And rage and anger threatened to consume her.
But Rune looked at her, dashing away tears, trying to put on a brave face. Not now. Rune needed her. Now.
Rune wanted her father back. Nevermind he was her uncle. She wanted her father back. And Jacinda was buffeted by a storm of emotion, realizing that she had wanted Regan back for familiarity; for direction; for someone to be in charge; for comfort; out of fear of the unknown.
Laughable, now that she saw it. She had stepped off the cliff alone into the world at 20 and had survived. Thrived. She was a million times a better hunter than he ever was. She had done things he'd never imagined. She remembered now. It made her laugh. All the easy kills. The slow drawn out deaths. The old rougs and dreyken nests.
Fucker was all about control and power. He was a joke.
Just like he couldn't get a woman. He needed a child to groom and control. To abuse and manipulate. Her. A twelve year old girl. Twelve. Years. Old. Hatred and anger hit her like a wave.
And a lifetime of contempt whirled through her, seeing things clearly, finally, after all these years. Sand scoured her insides, as if to strip her away. And Jacinda said no. Fuck no. Not now. Not ever. She hadn't done anything wrong. Not a goddamn fucking thing.
And everything flipped. He screamed and it brought a smile. He sang those screams, singing screams. Each one a payment she placed in her soul. In her mind, it was an eternity. And that was good with her. Those screams as he burned that night finally fell silent. But only after she laughed at how appropriate it was for him. Burn, bitch. A perverse pleasure stole through her at the memory of his wails.
As fucked up as she was, he was a million times worse.
But not Seth. Only a good man could tear at Rune like Seth's going missing did.
She put out her hand carefully- she had realized Rune shied from contact, but she wanted it to be clear- onto her shoulder. Her voice came from somewhere calm and at peace. Odd. She didn't feel peace. And yet, she felt whole. Finally. "You listen to me, Rune. We're going to go and try to find him. Together. I promise you. I won't give up on him." She smiled fiercely, showing the bravest face she knew. Seth was resiliant and strong. But he was mortal. Still, Jacinda wouldn't stop. Not for Seth. And not for Rune.
And not for Julie or Jacinda. Good people were worth going after.