Getting Attention

[Raffe]

When Nox’s face tipped into the capture of a kiss, Raffe’s fears began to grow steadier. The shaking had been horrifying; the thought of how far away someone could be when they were stuck wrestling their demons alone. At least he was listening. At least it meant he was reachable. He offered a small smile in response to Nox’s own, thin as it was; wished he could think of something comforting to say. Nox didn’t need to live up to anything, he just needed to be himself. That really was how he felt about it, but it sounded like the empty platitude of a lovestruck fool, and the other man seemed so fragile right now he was hesitant to do something to break the spell.

Raffe didn’t argue against what he was the second time, perhaps thinking of how Sterling had done the same. It hadn’t made it any less true for her either. He couldn’t feel anything inside, though he didn’t search too hard either. “I was ill a little while back,” he admitted. “Worst flu I’ve ever had.” His fingers traced the scar at his throat, wondering. At the time he'd put it down to recovery, but he supposed it didn’t matter. If it was true it was true. What made his lips twitch into a frown was wondering whether Nox was disappointed in the new burden presented by it. Like that last little slice of normality evaporated the moment Raffe turned out to be something other than strictly ordinary. Another man to teach. Another person to protect.

He didn’t voice it, though. They had enough to be dealing with right now.

His expression finally broke a little like his usual self at the mention of food. “No, it can wait,” he said, a little relieved actually. He needed time to get his head around it, and he’d rather take care of Nox first. He stood and offered a hand. “I’m starving actually. Seemed to have worked up an appetite.” He grinned a little foolishly, feeling the blood rush of pleasant memory. “Plus, we need to get your arm looked at. Christian’s worried you split the wound open again.”

[Nox]

Nox didn't like the thought of Raffe having suffered. He remembered it like it was yesterday. It hadn't been more than a few years since his own episodes. But his use of the one power had been obvious. There was no denying the fact that he had thrown a fireball. It wasn't like Aurora who had healed him. An unknowing experience. But he wouldn't tell Raffe the danger - he'd scared Sterling that way. Though Raffe had been there for all the same lectures. He knew the risks as well as Sterling had heard them. But it didn't matter. For now, food...

His stomach rumbled again as he took Raffe's hand. His face coloring softly at the mention of what they'd done before. It wasn't being shy, more to the point of enjoyment on his own part. It was something for Raffe and nothing more. "Make sure we get more of that energy for later, too." Nox winked. There probably wasn't going to be much more later. Nox was drained of all life. His arm was killing him, he knew Christian's fears were correct. The bandage showing mostly dirt from Nox's abuse of the bandage. But the pain had brought him back to himself. It was his own as much as his feelings for Raffe. Fear lingered on the edge of himself and Nox reached for the emptiness that brought the power and found solace in the nothingness. Aria had spoken of the emptiness while trying to teach him to use the sword. And when they sparred but Nox never truly grasped it. But now floating in it to keep the darkness at bay he understood what she'd been trying to teach him.

And all it took was evil incarnate trying to take him over to learn that lesson. Nox lead Raffe upstairs to the kitchen where Christian had prepared steak and roasted vegetables of all sorts. A large loaf of bread was already cut and warmed on the island separating the spectator from the cook. Ana perched upon one of the stools watching the love of her life move around his kitchen like he knew what he was doing - and Christian did. It was his job after all to take care of the house and all inside.

"Smells wonderful."

Christian smiled. "Should suffice?"

Nox grinned and sat down next to Ana, leaving the bar stool closest to the stairs for Raffe. A speedy exit if things got uncomfortable for them if necessary. "At this point I'll eat anything to keep the darkness out." His voice sounded strange to his own ears, the distance and cool tone foreign to him. But he'd heard the same in Aria's voice countless times.

Christian looked at him with concern.

"I'm alright. Just keeping myself in check."

It didn't really suffice them, but Christian let it drop. "You will allow the Jivana team to look at your arm?"

Nox nodded. "Before we leave."

Ana was about to interrupt but Christian sat down and put his hand on hers in warning. Nox smiled and gave Christian a welcome nod. "I'm sure they want to get home."

Nox laughed. "I'm pretty sure I have a lotus to take care of." Nox winked at Raffe and griinned happily at him. The darkness still threatened to consume him but with each bit and every passing second Nox felt a little bit more himself.

[Raffe]

The food smelled good. Such quaint homeliness had never featured much in Raffe’s life; in fact he didn’t think he’d really ever had such a meal in such surroundings. His life was ordinary, but not this sort of ordinary, and he watched somewhat bemused as Christian moved around the kitchen trailed by the way Ana looked at him. He wondered if his own parents had ever looked like that, to a surprising flash of pain. He rubbed absently at his chest as he claimed the stool that had been left for him.

Nox seemed strangely contained, and the concern in the room was evident, but at least he was aware now. Everything else would fall into place; it had to. For now Raffe was more than content to enjoy the moment for what it was and press everything else aside for later. He grinned at the comment about the lotus, feeling a flood of warmth that made it difficult to look away from the man who flamed it. “He does,” he told Ana and Christian. “It was a gift. Tending plants is a bit of a hobby of mine. They make a room feel more of a home, you know?”

[Nox]

Ana looked at Nox quizically. "A plant? You modified our entire basement but you never brought a plant home." She teased but looked directly at Raffe with a bright smile. "Maybe Dorian being an ass was better for him than we thought it would be, if he puts down roots." Ana sighed. "The only one of the brethren he brings home, and he's not much older than our own son, and yet the boy has seen more than anything I can even imagine. And I don't want to. Take care of him." She reached across Nox and patted Raffe's hand.

She the pushed Nox almost out of his stool, "And if you stay away again so long I will be sending a squad car after you without Dorian's consent. Cruz will want an update too."

Nox nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

Nox finished his food and had seconds. It wasn't that it was fabulous though it was, but the hunger was growing. the hoard was hunting, and Nox felt the hunger. He pulled his wallet out and pulled up his map of the tunnels and looked for an uncleared nest and sent them there. If they fed they'd leave him alone.

There was a knock at the door and Christian went to answer it leaving the three of them alone. Nox watched as Christian grabbed the gun lying on the table next to the door before he grabbed it. Caution - the Atharim were still out there. They should get going soon. But he had to wait for Jivana to show up.

Christian stepped back into the kitchen with a man he recognized from earlier - the nurse/technician who had administered the machines at Kallisti. He rolled his eyes at Nox. "Again?"

Nox shrugged. "I should probably have your number."

The tech patched Nox up to Christian's satisfaction and after he left Nox took Raffe's hand. "We should go." No one tried to talk him out of it and Nox lead Raffe downstairs. "I'll close this up permanently with Cruz out of the house, keep someone else from getting in."

Christian shook his head. "Leave it. You can use it anytime."

[Raffe]

The meal passed in a pleasant blur. Raffe was chatty, and the company was relaxed -- and the food was good. He thanked Christian and Ana both when it was time to leave, a little reluctant to rouse from the comfort, and not especially eager to confront what he knew would be coming. For that reason he was quiet while the nurse arrived to doctor Nox’s injury, trying to use the time to internalise the idea that he was a channeler. Not the belief. He trusted that; had no reason not to. Just the thought of what it meant for the future.

He followed down to the basement, phasing a little out of Nox and Christian’s conversation, though he heard enough to smile at the open invitation. Now he knew of the existence of this place and the people in it, he was unlikely to let Nox stay distant.

[Nox]

Once they were alone in the basement Nox lead Raffe to the hole in the wall bedroom he'd spent most of his time here in. He'd dug a hole with the power into the tunnels near by. It had been slow and painful until Cruz had learned to do it too and together they had finished it. At the far end a large power made bolder blocked the exit. Leaving the tunnel free of monsters or people looking for safe haven. It was dark and creepy but Nox didn't move aside the tapestry that covered the hole.

He turned to Raffe and smiled, he knew this was surreal for his friend. "I know it's a lot. And I'm probably not the best person to teach you. I don't want you to hate me for the things I'd do. So I'll do a different tactic but I don't know if it will work. And we have a bolder to move and a light to create to get down there. So now's as good as time as any to try."

Nox sighed as he sat down on one end of the bed and patted the other end for Raffe to join him. "Get comfortable."

Nox pulled his legs in underneath him and put his hand on his knee much like he would if he were to go into a yoga meditation. Raffe didn't have to follow suit it was just something Nox felt comfortable. "The power inside is like a dark light you can't ever really see. You know it's there but when you try to look at it, it's gone. Our power is fierce and wants to devour us. You cannot let it. You must control it at all times, one little slip and you'll be gone." At least that's what Nox assumed would happen. That's what it felt like the day the Ijiraq sucked the power from his body. He felt himself burning away, his body was fine, but what was him was struggling to survive. He was still struggling to survive.

"Close your eyes and look for that light and then you need to grab it. It'll be like wrestling a snake, but to find it you need to be calm inside even though you know you will have to fight." Nox didn't mention the sludge he had to reach through. No one would really understand it. He didn't completely, but he knew it was part of the connection to the hoard, each time he drew upon the power he had to go through then, putting himself closer to the darkness, coating himself in it. But the power was his and he wouldn't give in to them.

"You can feel me grabbing the power. It's like you can't breathe - someone is watching you and you know they mean you violence. That is the power of another man. A women sends shivers down your spin like a cold breeze or when someone stuffs ice down the back of your shirt." Nox chuckled at the last - Aurora used to do that on purpose.

"If you can't do it at first we just need to keep trying, but this is a safe place. We can try for a little while." Nox opened his eyes and watched Raffe, waiting for the tell tale sign he had the power. He could only pray it was that easy but Nox knew better - it was a struggle each person had to figure out on their own.

[Raffe]

Raffe sat on the edge of the bed, frowning. This was a gift he didn’t want, a power he realised he recoiled from the simple thought of. It seemed like an antithesis to his very nature by the way Nox warred with it, though he knew there were other factors involved there. Something that would devour, though. God. The conflict wrote all over his expression, gaze arrowed down to his own knee as he tried to listen to the words. Christian and Ana stoked thoughts he’d rather not linger on, and it lodged like pain in his chest, the consideration of what he might have been able to do with such power back then. Impossible thoughts, of course; he’d been a kid. But logic didn’t care for the painful stir of feeling.

He pinched his eyes. Pushed the same hand over his head. “Right,” he said, quietly.

For the first time he was aware of the disturbance to the air when Nox channeled, like a vice around his ribs. The heart within beat fiercely in protest. He’d felt it at the cabaret too, he realised, the night he’d still been caught in the heat of the fading fever. Raffe had blamed the foreboding squeeze of wrongness on being ill at the time, then just dismissed it every time since. Or found another sound explanation.

He closed his eyes eventually, though he felt anything but calm inside. The hands in his lap fought tightening into fists. “I only have to be able to do this once, right? To be safe from it?” He tried to steady his breathing, but even that stung with failure.

[Nox]

Nox could see the war raging inside of Raffe. He could almost feel it. This was so against Raffe's nature. But he could do any number of great things with it too. "Just once knowingly." He said moving closer to Raffe and grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled Raffe close. Leaning his forehead against the other man's and closing his eyes. "Just once, and you won't have to touch it again if you don't want to. But I promise it's not as bad as it sounds. I know men who can heal grave injuries with the power. It's not just a weapon." He pulled away and looked Raffe in the eye. "That's all on me."

Nox didn't know how else to help Raffe get past the hurdle. He had to do this or he'd get sick, and then the next time it happened he'd get sick sooner, and worse, and it would get worse until he died. Nox frowned and pressed his head against Raffe's again. "Just breathe with me." Nox dropped the power, let himself feel this for the first time with Raffe. He closed his eyes, his handful of shirt lessend it's grip but he kept Raffe close. "Just breathe with me." Nox took a page out of his yoga book, breath was everything in meditation. Raffe needed to find his calm, and he was no where near it right now. Nox didn't blame him. He just found out he had a life sentence, and that if he didn't control it he wouldn't survive it. The whole thing was rough.

[Raffe]

Just once. It sounded like the easiest thing in the world, and an utter impossibility all at once.

Nox pulled him close, and Raffe let his eyes shut. The words weren’t entirely a comfort, and he was not sure what he felt about Nox’s choice to be a weapon. It squeezed in his chest, painful and sad. Because it wasn’t a choice, that desire to protect. Recognising its flame in his own heart was perhaps what made him feel so afraid of the possibility. Because surely it came with responsibility. Certainly it came with temptation.

He tried to match his breath; focused on the press of his forehead and tangle of fingers in the front of his shirt. Denying emotion wasn’t his strongest suit, though. When his heart did slow, it was into the support of not being alone with the burden rather than any real desire to try and discover and harness the power, even though he knew he should -- that Nox would worry until he did. 

He sat for a long time in silence before he finally pulled back. His brows were knit with discomfort, and a little guilt. “I think I need some time to get my head around it first.”

[Nox]

Nox felt unease and anxiety in the silence. The meditation wasn't working. Raffe could die. His mind couldn't focus on any one thing, he flopped between Raffe's impending doom and the darkness inside that threatened to consume him. When Raffe pulled away defeat flooded Nox and Raffe's voice echoed the sentiment. It was a lot to take in.

"It's a lot." Nox knew it wouldn't happen over night and he didn't want to press it. Nox opened his eyes and smiled brightly though he was sure Raffe could see through it all. "When you are ready you know where to find me."

Nox stood up and pressed a kiss to the top of Raffe's head and he pushed his mind through the sludge and seized the power fighting down the darkness that wanted to well up. The emptiness was kindred spirits at this point. No worry, no doubts tempered his body - Nox understood why Aria had nearly lived in the emotionless state - specially since she could feel everyone else's emotions - his were enough to deal with.

Nox lead Raffe down the tunnel he'd made and wove a quick bulb of light that floated behind them until they reached the dead end, which Nox easily moved with a weave of air. It rolled away from the opening and into the vast caverns of the undercity. A place Nox was coming to understand more like the back of his hand. The connection to the hoard gave him new insights. A light into the darkness. A light he would eradicate, they would not harm anyone else while he lived.

The tunnels were dark, and Nox was on the ready. The dripping of water made Nox nervous, the silence in the tunnels more so. But there was no scratching at the walls that said the horde was near. They were safe - all the way to the Red Light District. And all the way back to Kallisiti. "Home." He was relieved and was ready to crash but his concern tried to out weigh the weariness in his bones. Raffe knew where he was, it was his ball now. Nox wasn't good at waiting but it wasn't his life either.