+- The First Age (https://thefirstage.org/forums)
+-- Forum: Moscow (https://thefirstage.org/forums/forum-1.html)
+--- Forum: Place of Enlightenment (https://thefirstage.org/forums/forum-18.html)
+--- Thread: Family Business (/thread-646.html)
- Lucas - 08-21-2014
Lucas was cleaning up his gun after the last customer. Marco had just left with his sleeve complete. It was a pretty complicated piece and was really cool to see done. There didn't seem to be much of a story to go with it, but that was ok. Not everything had to be big and dramatic. He loved the work for the sake of the work, the beautiful lines and colors, the shading and patterns. Skin was such a unique canvas to work on, so different than paper or anything like that. It had a 'grain' to it, and he'd had to learn to work with that. There were times when it resisted him and he had to find a way to coax the ink to do what he wanted, to show the proper color or shade. Other times, it was if the skin was hungry for the image, as if it had grown specifically to take this art work; the body had already made place for the image that he was putting there. And it flowed.
And of course there was the fact that this was relatively permanent. Treatments existed, of course, that could remove them fairly easily without scarring. And inks now were made in such a way as to be broken down with little residue. But generally people who got tattoos viewed them as a permanent marker on their body.
The shop was quiet. He'd shut the music off earlier. He often didn't even hear it while he worked anyway, but the customers liked it. Sergei was off today so it was just Lucas minding things. The evening was just beginning though it was already dark out. He'd soon see new customers come in. But for now, it was a nice peaceful bit of down time. He'd closed for lunch and done his AA meeting then. It had helped center him. It had been a few days and he needed the refocusing. He felt calm and cleansed now. He was always on guard, always on the watch for any kind of trigger that could set him off, send him running to hide in drugs. The meetings helped him keep up his resolve.
People spoke of trusting their heart and the idea made him laugh. His heart- as he suspected most peoples'- was the spy in his midst, the traitor in his chest. It would do anything, given the chance, to satisfy its craving- steal, hurt, whore him out, betray anyone- and then once satiated, it would leave him to deal with the aftermath; the guilt and shame and sadness and depression. No, he did not trust his heart. He ruled it; he guarded it and made sure that he remained in control of it at all times. He needed his AA meetings to help him do that. So today, this evening, he was at peace.
His wallet buzzed and he glanced over at it. The ID said was Aria. He smiled. He'd hoped she'd call him. Working with her on her piece had been a long process, since she'd had to break it up over a long period of time. She was so careful with him, so afraid that she'd...he wasn't sure what, exactly. He knew she could make him feel it. She said hurt him and he guessed she meant send him pain. And she was afraid of that. She was afraid she'd like that. She also knew the traitor within her own body, the darkness that pulled at her. It was somewhat disconcerting to realize the struggle she had with this, as it was so very alien to him in a certain way. More than disconcerting, really.
At the same time, he felt that he, more than most, understood the pull of that hunger- whatever it was- to take you in a dark direction regardless of the consequences to you or others. And despite having known her for such a short period of time, he felt somehow responsible to her. Her struggle was like his. It was for her very soul. But with her abilities, the consequences of falling would be so much worse- for her and others. He couldn't just let her fight on her own. He had gotten help. She needed it from someone who understood the seductive call of the heart when it just wanted to do what it wanted, craved what it craved, hungered for what it thought it needed, heedless of the pain and suffering it would cause.
He had fought and won the initial battles so far, though the war would always be there, always in effect. She needed help to win too, to get the mastery of herself. And so he would be there for her, to help her through this.
He answered his wallet. "Hi Aria. I'm glad you called. What's up?"
- Aria - 08-21-2014
Aria smiled when he answered on the other side. She grimaced in pain and tried not to sound hurt. "Just needed to hear your voice."
She gave a curt laugh, "My demons are being overly strong right now."
She knew he'd hear the pain, she hoped he would associated it with the fight. She prayed that he wouldn't worry so much he'd come check on her. Aria didn't want to tell him she'd almost killed someone just moments before, or that she'd been shot.
Aria knew she should go to headquarters and get patched up. But she couldn't be around anyone right now. It was a good thing she could treat most of her own wounds, when she could move with out the pain searing her insides and making the agony become too much.
Aria took a deep breath to hide the pain, "How was your day?"
She didn't want to talk about it, she just wanted to hear him. He'd given her what he could already, his voice would strengthen it. Hopefully after she talked to Lucas for a while she could check on the shop keep downstairs, but the same fear remained. Moving just wasn't possible right now. The demons were too close.
- Lucas - 08-21-2014
She sounded like she was fighting and was tired. Now more than ever he was glad he had put himself out there for her. People sometimes asked for help, sought it out, but deep down, it was just a momentary emotional reprieve, a way to soothe their spirit. The fact was, fighting was hard- physically, mentally, and especially emotionally. You were literally battling years of patterns of thought and feeling, and habits. And then there was the vast emotional inertia that resisted every attempt to move things in the right direction. In the end, until the person was willing to do the hard work themselves, willing to fight that inertia through the lethargy and laziness, that desire to just stop and give in when things were difficult or they were down, they'd never get better. Simple as that.
But Aria was doing the work. She had tried to avoid her triggers with him back when getting her tattoo, making him stop so she could reset herself. Even back at her apartment, what could have easily turned into nothing but a temporary but ultimately empty attempt to connect with someone through meaningless sex was instead exchanged for real communication. And now...now she was calling when she felt the struggle, just as he had done his sponsor or Valentin so many times. He smiled and hoped she could hear his smile and the pride in his voice.
"Ahh Aria. You know how proud I am of you. What you did right now, calling me, took more courage than most people will ever know. Most people can ask for help, when they realize they have a problem. But then they never ask for it when they actually need it. And even if they do, they don't listen or do the work to actively change things. But you did. God bless you Aria."
He hoped she heard how glad her call had made him. He loved seeing people change their lives. This was what gave his life meaning. He remembered what had encouraged him when he'd called for help. "You really are something else, you know that? I know I can't fully understand what you are fighting. But I am here.You ARE doing it though, Aria. You CAN do it."
He paused. What did she need right now? Did she want to talk about her struggle? Did she want affirmation? Reasons to keep fighting? She had asked about his day. He would try to listen and see what she needed, what he could give her, even as he tried to answer her question. "My day is great so far. I had my AA meeting earlier and just finished with a customer now. A few more should be by in a bit. But your calling me made my day. Do you want to get together later on? I am going to Mass tonight. Do you want to come with me?"
- Aria - 08-21-2014
Aria could hear the happiness in his voice. He was glad she called, and that alone made her happy, and the shadows inside abated. Not gone, but the more Lucas talked, and basically gave her a pep talk she hadn't known she needed, the better she felt.
Aria was able to sit up. The pain in her shoulder radiated through her body, but she didn't capture it, or hold on it until it was too much, she pushed it away. Aria really didn't care what he said, but she was glad he'd said what he had. The world seemed better - brighter. He gave her the credit for what she knew had only been possible because she'd let him in. Given him insider knowledge to what no one knew. He didn't know all and Aria frowned, thankful he wasn't in the room with her.
When he finally answered her question her smile brightened. She'd never actually made someone happy like that. Aria stood up and walked to the landing of her apartment and looked down the stairs. The shop keep was picking himself up off the bottom landing. He glanced up at Aria and shook her off. "I'm fine."
Aria nodded and walked back into her room. She heard him mutter something, but he hadn't come up the stairs. Lucas asked her if she wanted to go to Mass with him. Her heart stopped. And she swallowed. She hadn't been to Mass in months, much less confession. Aria spoke tentatively. "Yeah. Sure."
Aria put her hand on her shoulder, she had a lot of cleaning up to do. "I have a few things to do before I can go. What time?"
It felt better saying yes, than she thought it would. She wasn't struck down with lightning, that was a good fact, but entirely out of perspective since she knew that once upon a time a 'god' would and could do that.
Aria felt the back of her shoulder and winced. At least there was an exit wound, it would be far easier to handle herself. She just hoped that it went clean through. She hoped that Lucas wouldn't notice too much as she distracted herself with looking for the slug.
- Lucas - 08-22-2014
"Cool, Aria. I was planning on going to the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception at 8. I'll meet you there."
He paused. He really didn't want to end the conversation. "Maybe we can get something to eat afterwards."
He smiled at an idea. "Anything you might like to try or have again?"
He tried to remember if she'd mentioned meals growing up in the convent. "Did you ever have anything, back when you were little even, that you really liked? Maybe we could do that."
He wasn't sure why this was important to him. It wasn't really. He guessed he really just wanted her start enjoying things in life, to find other things in life to experience than what she had so far. It might help her with her struggle. "No pressure. If not, I'll think of something."
A mischevious idea came to him. "I think we can find some good tripe or haggis or something."
Too bad she couldn't see the evil grin on his face. He'd never do that, but still.
"What do you think?"
Edited by Lucas, Aug 22 2014, 08:12 AM.
- Aria - 08-22-2014
Aria nodded, he couldn't see but she was glad it was at least a few hours away. She did have things to do. "Sounds good."
Aria liked fact he kept talking. She didn't really want to hang up the call. But it was really difficult to do what needed doing with the wallet stuck to her ear. "Putting you on speaker so I can use my hands."
It was a simple thing, she set the wallet on the coffee table and started prying the bullet from the headboard, where it had landed. She had to see if it was whole. From almost across the room. "Eating afterwards sounds good. But no to haggis or tripe. Blah!"
She smiled, she had a better idea. "Let me take you to my favorite place, it's as home and reminiscent as any place will ever be."
The slug finally came out whole. Aria breathed a sigh of relief. And glanced at the wallet. She didn't think she could mend her wounds without Lucas catching on. But she had to do it soon. Going to headquarters would take too long. Perhaps Conleley would look. The shop keep looked after her like she was kin, and she guessed she was, they were both Atharim until the day they die.
"Lucas, thank you. I don't really want to go, but if I'm to meet you there, I need to get going so I can remedy my dilemma. Apparently Mass was not something on my mind when I packed to leave Vatican City. Nothing appropriate to wear."
- Lucas - 08-22-2014
Lucas smiled at her words. "Appropriate. Heh. Ok, good. Remember, this is church, so no club wear ok? I'll have trouble focusing if you do."
He laughed. She was very beautiful and athletic and so probably would be a knockout in anything like that. But he also knew that just wasn't her style. He was sure she knew he was teasing though.
"I look forward to seeing you tonight. It'll be nice."
His voice dropped to more serious. "I really am glad you called me. You have no idea. You are doing good Aria. You keep it up. You're gonna beat this, I promise."
After she hung up, he put his wallet down, smiling. Yep, she really wanted help and was willing to actively do the work. And that is what gave him hope. Because in the end, no matter what he offered, if she just wanted emotional support but didn't proactively work at it, she'd never get out.
He knew that from experience. For the first few months, Valentin was primarily an emotional support and he thought it would be enough to go to him for help, especially when he was down. And he did, for a while. But nothing really got better except for those brief moments of peace after talking to him. In the long run, the core issues were being ignored.
It was only when he got into AA and finally had structure that things took a turn for the better. He was taking active steps to fix things. And his self respect began to grow. The words of St. Paul became his mantra "So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air." From then on, he would have a clear goal in mind, his 'punches' or efforts had to count, had to connect with something solid. He began setting goals and scheduled activities and then, as hard it was, even on the days when he just didn't want to, he made himself do them. He wrote down his triggers and what to do when they came and did it. And most of all he recognized that he had to surrender to God, that without his help, he'd not make it. But surrendering meant realizing that he couldn't be half-hearted about his efforts. God would only help him if he gave 100 percent effort and followed his routine religiously. It sounded contradictory, but it worked.
And despite relapses and tears and agony, despite the clawing hunger or the despair that ate at him, he clung to his faith and his routine and gradually made his way out. Valentin was there for him through it all. But it hadn't been until he himself had decided that things must change and then acted on it that they really did. It had saved his life. But deep in his heart, he knew the seed was there, waiting. So even to this day, he followed it.
Aria seemed to be there now. He hoped she was. The struggle would be hard. And he had no idea what relapse or going backwards would mean for her. But he had faith. And he wouldn't give up. As long as she kept trying, really trying, he would be there.
The door dinged and a guy walked in, another customer. Lucas got back to work. But in the back of his mind, he was thinking about Aria and hoping that she stuck with it.
- Aria - 08-22-2014
Aria smiled at his quip. Club wear, as if she ventured into the dark mass of people bobbing around to overly loud music. The music alone would deafen her, much less all those people. Mass was much the same way, except the level and type of music. People close together, everyone with their own problems, their own demons, and everything so close to the surface. God brings out the best and their worst fears come to the forefront to bring before Him and be forgiven.
Aria hoped the late hour would bring fewer people, but like the Vatican she doubted it very seriously. But one thing was certain, Lucas would be there, and there was an anchor to be found if she needed it. Aria told herself he wasn't a crutch. He wasn't the solution. No matter what he offered, he couldn't beat the darkness for her. But neither could she go it alone, he was the anchor that kept her from drifting. It was a helpful thought as Aria walked down stairs to find the shop keep.
Lucas wasn't far from her mind, she was eager to see him. He made her smile and he made her feel safe, and there was not another soul in the world who could make her feel that way. But for as much as he was a god-send, he was a far bigger temptation. His demons and his pain were so easy to grasp, so tempting. Aria pushed the thoughts away. She refused to hurt Lucas.
Conleley was sitting in the back office going over some paperwork in the dim light the desk lamp gave off. "Are you alright deary?" He looked up from the paper to Aria.
She smiled. "As okay as a gun shot to the shoulder is. Can you help me, I can't go to headquarters right now. I'm not exactly sure how to explain this particular injury to the medics."
He laughed, "Yes in our line of work gun shot wounds are very rare. But I can tend you." Conleley pulled Aria into the chair he had vacated near the desk. Aria tried to pull her shirt off over her head but that wasn't going to work too well. He laughed again. "Child I can manage, the shirt is ruined already we'll just cut it away." Aria sighed and let him work.
Conleley worked quickly as if he'd done this before, and he likely had. Almost an hour had passed and Aria still had nothing to wear into a cathedral. Her makeshift medic patted her on the shoulder with a sly grin on his face. "Now off to see your new friend?"
Aria gave him a sideways look and he laughed. "I'm not as old and daft as most think I am child. I've seen the changes." He leaned in and whispered. "Keep him safe Aria. This is no world for men like him."
Aria nodded. How did you bring a loved one into this life willingly? And yet that was exactly what she was doing to Lucas. And he knew nothing of what she was, or what she did. Aria started out the door and Conleley stopped her. "For the pain child." He handed her two pills. "One for now and one for later."
Aria smiled. "Thanks. I owe you."
Conleley frowned, "No, child it is I who owe you. I told that retched man you lived here and he could wait for you."
Aria patted her friend on the shoulder. "He would have found me anyway. He said he was my father, he was determined to return the favor we did his family."
Aria left the shop keep and went back to her room, 20 minutes to find something fitting to wear. She'd been here months and had pretty much worn the same basic outfits the entire time. Her luggage was still partially packed. She sighed and prayed that there was something to wear.
The bag was layered with more t-shirts and jeans, not many and nothing suitable either. But at the bottom a flattened box sat. Aria vaguely recognized it. It had been something she'd purchased while in China, hunting and learning about Oni.
The box protected two souvenirs she'd kept. Such an odd thing for her to do and to bring with her. Sentiment was not usually something she possessed. Aria removed the crumbled lid and the red Terylene Cheongsam Dress, not that she knew what any of the words meant in terms of fashion but she'd remembered them for an odd reason. It was knee-length and sleeveless, but the fabric itself was warm, meant for the fall or winter in China. It would do for a Moscovian winter. The black shawl below would cover her arms, and if she played it right, the wounds on her left arm.
Aria only hoped it would fit, but then again, she probably could still wear most of the clothes she'd worn a decade ago, such was her diet and training. Little had changed since the beginning of her training to now. Aria took a quick shower, she didn't even let the water warm before jumping in. She didn't have a lot of time. Thankfully when it was time to pull the dress on it fit, she had a little trouble with the zipper at the back but it she'd managed just fine. Aria ran her fingers over the black trim and buttons, she supposed it was appropriate, but it was all she really had that was.
Aria owned two pairs of shoes... both boots, her normal combat boots, and a pair of leather healed boots that went to her knees. While not completely appropriate, she had little choice.
With five minutes to spare Aria was able to make herself presentable. Typically she only wore eye-liner and mascara, today she added a bit more. Mass was one of the few times Aria had ever done more than that, and she was meeting Lucas. It made her smile. A faint brown eye shadow would do, lipstick was a no go, it was one of those things that needed to be reapplied and Aria couldn't be bothered. Lip gloss worked well to keep the wind at bay.
Aria's shoulder hurt, but it was doing better since she'd popped the pill that Conleley had given her. Hopefully it wouldn't make her too loopy. Aria could finish the rest on the train. She'd learned to pull her hair up and pin it just about anywhere.
She grabbed the silver hoop earrings, the silver Jesus on a cross necklace, and a small handbag, that barely fit her wallet in, there was no room for a gun or anything else really. But she wasn't completely unarmed. The sticks she brought had a hidden treasure, she'd had them purposefully crafted with razor sharp dirks with an elegant case that made them appear mundane, and wouldn't hurt the passer-byer or herself until a quick turn of the top and the blade was released.
The train ride got her a few stares as she finished getting ready. Earrings and necklace were by far the easiest part. But pulling her hair up into a half messy bun and securing with the faux chopsticks finished the look.
The train lurched to her last stop, Krasnopresnenskaya, located pretty close to the Moscow Zoo, that was someplace she'd never been before, but all those caged animals, Aria felt sad for them. Aria walked the rest of the way in the cold air at a quick pace, she missed her leather trench coat, but it would ruin the effect. Aria was amazed she'd not fallen or twisted an ankle by the time she neared the cathedral, it'd been a while since she'd walked in heals. It was nearly 8pm and Aria really hoped she was neither too early or too close to starting.
- Lucas - 08-25-2014
Lucas wore some black jeans, heavy black boots, and a black knitted sweater. Cold didn't really bother him so the sweater was plenty, even at night. He made his way into the Church, once again awed at the massive doors and high vaulted ceiling. The same effect every time, a since of smallness and insignificance. He came here fairly often.
He stopped in the back and waited. It wasn't too crowded really. There were only a few people there. The little he heard in the way of conversation seemed drowned by the echo of the building's size- as if God House itself was whispering and speaking to him. He breathed in the warmer air mixed with the scents of candles and incense. The liturgy would begin soon and he hoped Aria would be there.
Just as the music had begun, he saw the door open...and there she was. He couldn't believe how amazing she looked. She wore a black long shawl over a knee length red dress cut in an Asian style, with the fold over across the chest to shoulder. He didn't know what it was called. The shall didn't look too thick and he hoped she hadn't been cold. Black long boots went up to her knees. Her hair was up in a bun, with what looked like chopsticks sticking out to hold it. And her face...she was already beautiful. But it seemed like there was more to her today, more smokiness to her eyes. The smile on her face was very pleasing to him.
It wasn't exactly Church wear and he wondered where she'd gotten it. He liked it, definitely. But it interested him that she wore it. She didn't seem the type to have pretty clothes. He wondered how to ask her about it- later, anyway.
He went to her. "Hi Aria. I'm glad you came. It's about to start."
He touched her back lightly and led her to an empty pew where they sat down to listen. As the priest started, he kept glancing at her from the side, wondering what she was thinking.
Edited by Lucas, Aug 25 2014, 12:09 PM.
- Aria - 08-25-2014
After having lived in Vatican City her entire life, a cathedral was still nothing in comparison to Saint Peter's, but it was a site to behold with the lights at night. Aria didn't see Lucas outside, and hopefully she wasn't too late.
Aria dipped her fingers in the holy water and crossed herself before hesitantly walking forwards. Her faith shook, but she was here for more than one reason, the least of which was Lucas had invited her. She was glad he did, she probably wouldn't have gone to Mass for a foreseeable future. Now she had motive to make that step forward. Embracing what she'd been taught instead of pushing it away like she had been trying everything else the Atharim had taught her.
Aria walked in father and saw Lucas standing waiting for her. She smiled as he guided her to an empty pew. Aria genuflected before sitting next to Lucas. She fell into step even though she'd not been to Mass in months. Tradition was ingrained in her.
Mass went on as per its usual deal. Aria glided through most of it with out a misstep until they got to Penitential Rite. Aria thought about her sins, her misdeeds and doubt filled her. Aria wanted to take Lucas' hand but stayed the desire, appropriateness in the cathedral. But she focused on his breathing and used it to guide her own until it was time to pray.
Everything else went smoothly. Aria had listened well, it never ceased to amaze her how the Priest always seemed to speak directly at her, in whatever capacity she needed to hear. She supposed that was the words of God speaking, He knew exactly what she needed to hear.
Mass left Aria feeling hopeful. And with Lucas to spend the rest of the evening with she felt really good about who she was and where she was going. That was a first.
It took them a while to leave the cathedral pews. People were always stopping to mingle. Aria tried very hard not to bump into people. She had full control of her abilities, but she didn't want to risk the unintentional jolt to her shoulder much less the emotional impact they could eventually have.
Once they had made it out the grand doors Aria smiled at Lucas. "Thank you for inviting me. Was moving."
She took his hand and started towards the nearest subway station. If they were going to where she wanted, it was too far to walk and Aria wasn't sure she'd trust that amount of walking in her heels. "Ready to see a little bit of my home?"
Salvetore's wasn't a grand place owned by some rich Moscovian. Victor Salvetore left Rome when Italy was annexed into the CCD to make a better life in Moscow for his family. His entire family including his parents went with him. Victor was Father Dimitri's cousin. They had been close before Father Dimtiri went into seminary. They maintained a relationship afterwards, one to which Father Dimitri dragged Aria along for. They had actually been going to Victor's house to have a 'play date' for her and Victor's son, Fransesco, when Aria felt the world's pain for the first time. They didn't make that trip, but they had on several occasions until she was 9 and they'd departed for Moscow.
During her training Father Dimitri would take her to Salvetore's Restaurant when they were in Moscow learning about Russian monsters. Aria had traveled the world with Father Dimitri until she had killed that boy and then she stayed in the basement of the Vatican. Bad memories that, but before hadn't been horrible.
She hadn't been to see Victor in several weeks. It would be good to see him.